We are looking for people to film with for a television documentary about solo parenting in New Zealand.

We can pay $1500 for the week to mitigate the time spent liaising during preproduction and for the week of a (small) TV crew following you around and we are looking for someone who might be:

– A solo mother with one or more children, one of whom is below the age of three.

– Prepared to show us their daily life over the course of one typical week.

– Raising kids in a positive environment but able to explain about and show the challenges of solo parenting

The documentary will be shot and edited by professional crew using the best professional equipment and will be a fantastic high quality memento of your young family at the time of filming.

Filming can take place anywhere in New Zealand and will be sometime in mid April this year.

If you are embarrassed about being on TV don’t worry as the program will not be aired in New Zealand. It is a Japanese TV series being shot around the world but aired only in Japan.

If you are interesting in being involved please contact us. We will need to ask some questions to build up a profile about you and your family then discus with the director whether your story is the one she is looking for. (The series is being filmed all over the world and we need to avoid double ups and similarities with episodes shot in other countries so please don’t be disappointed if you are not selected as this does not reflect on you but on the balance of stories being filmed for the whole series)

If you wish to know more about the series please don’t hesitate to contact us. Your call will be treated with the strictest confidence and we hope to hear from you soon.

New Zealand Network Ltd.
Phone (09) 424 6388
Email: info@nznetwork.com

It is good, we are now questioning how harmful it is to expose ourselves at a metabolic cellular level, to constant amounts of dioxin carcinogenic (cancer-causing) or teratogenic (fetal malformation-causing) pesticides, such as chemical insecticides, herbicides and fungicides; plus all the synthetic fertilizers; artificial colourings; flavour enhancers; chemical preservatives; antibiotic growth promotant feed enhancers; and other synthetic additives.

But what of our toxic homes ??

Partnering with bio-dynamic food ideals are the principles of bio-harmonic living – that is living in a healthy home that uses natural bio-building principles, such as an energy-efficient design, low-toxicity materials, and environmental sustainability of renewable natural resources. This is another area where Kiwis are becoming adept — housing solutions using clay, sand, straw, earth and recycled reused materials.

Eco-natural houses have been constructed for over 10,000 years – and some of the first one’s built are still standing. But the days have well gone of eco-houses only being built by ascetic frugally-minded incense-burning hippies. No, no. Some eco-natural housing is exceptionally trend-setting, winning environmental awards, and becoming a vision to aspire to. “Natural house building is the way of the future” says Alan Drayton, of the talented and renowned Alan Drayton BioBuilders, “I like to tell people to think of their house as their third skin – healthy homes and sustainable building is vital for the future of our planet.”

The level of bio-harmonic principles opted for by the home-owner is a totally individualised part of eco-friendly house designs. It is very possible to have an eco-chic conventionally mainstream looking home in suburbia that is connected to the local utility grid infrastructure. Or you can have a very extraordinarily unique eco-natural home in the remote countryside that is self-sufficiently off-grid with zero waste. There are few rules, just the principles of: Planet-friendly reduced environmental impact; healthy aesthetically pleasing energy-efficient building design; and use of abundantly-available sustainable natural materials.

Some of the bio-harmonic jargon can sound mysteriously captivating … pressed-earth, rammed-earth, straw-bales, stone walls, adobe mud-brick with clay-cowdung slurry, recycled telegraph poles, recycled railway sleepers, or swamp kauri … it’s entrancing and enchanting! If you want it, there are even fibre-reinforced concrete slabs that don’t disturb the earth’s natural vibration; ways to minimize exposure to electro-magnetic field radiation; or the use of sacred geometric dimensional designs. Eco-natural homes are like taking Feng Shui to a whole new spiritually uplifting level!

But typically, a modern healthy eco-home uses concepts such as passive solar design; lawsons-cypress framing; macrocarpa beams; non-chemical kiln-dried timber treated with tung oil or waxes; double-glazing; solar-panel hot-water; copper plumbing; breathable wall systems (such as rammed-earth and Hebel® aerated autoclaved concrete and breathable plaster); CFLs (compact fluorescent lighting); energy-efficient appliances; on-demand power switches; rainwater reticulation; non-toxic wool insulation; polished concrete; bamboo, eucalyptus or linseed-oiled cork floors; eco-friendly polyurethane; natural wool carpet; reduced levels of underlay urea formaldehyde; and organic Bio-Paint® with ultra-low VOCS (volatile organic compounds).

Apart from the reduced toxic exposure and normal halving of power bills, many eco-friendly houses have other wonderful benefits, such as their superior ‘thermal mass’ which stabilizes temperature fluctuations inside the home (so the house is cool in summer and warm in winter); natural sound-proofing and fire-proofing; hypoallergenic qualities (reduced dust mites, mould, fungi and chemicals); and their undeniable ‘good vibe’ tactile feeling.

How much do eco-natural homes cost?

That question is virtually impossible to answer accurately as too many options are involved – but somewhere roughly say 5-15% more for a fairly standard home (of course the sky’s the limit for luxury eco-homes). There are also ongoing estimated savings of halving the normal power and water bills, plus of course unquantifiable health benefits.

Permaculture

Permaculture (derived from permanent agriculture) is another buzz-word closely linked with eco-natural homes, which was first coined almost thirty years ago by authors Bill Mollison and David Holmgren. Permaculture describes a human habitat practicing the ideologies of sustainable use of land’s natural resources, and self-renewing food production. Within eco-friendly house construction this often includes such features as ‘living’ planted roofs, using solar and wind energy for water-heating and power, capturing rain water, purifying waste-water, re-using grey-water, and of course composting toilets. Permaculture is about conserving wasted energy and materials, and taking responsibility for your own global ‘footprint’.

Co-housing

Another interesting development of modern bio-harmonic house-construction, are hundreds of ‘co-housing’ communities or eco-villages around the world (urban, suburban and rural) particularly in Europe, America, Australia and now New Zealand (such as EarthSong Waitakere, Koanga Kohatu Toa Kaiwaka, and Awaawaroa Waiheke Island). Co-housing is a thirty-year-old term first used by architects Kathryn McCamant and Charles Durrett, which in some ways now epitomizes the post-modern version of the intentional community commune.

Co-housing eco-villages have individually-owned homes using eco-natural design and permaculture principles. Usually the village shares a large common-house for regular communal meals and other activities, plus shared gardens and grassed areas. EcoVillages are also often involved with ‘sustainable-plus’ living, that is the restoring, rejuvenating and improving of their local community environment.

An essential ingredient to any new eco-built home, or eco-wise retro-fitting renovation of a non-eco home; is that one uses an ecological architect designer and specialist building contractor who are experienced with the ‘healthy green home’ sustainable principles. NZ has a number of specialists such as building contractors Alan Drayton Bio-Building and Arhaus; and architects such as Richard Lambourne Architects, Graeme North’s Eco-Design, and Reinhard Kanuka-Fuchs and Johann Bernhardt of the BBE (Building Biology & Ecology Institute).

The BBE have produced the Sustainable Home Guidelines for eco-friendly homes, and even provide building and design correspondence and workshop courses, plus they produce an Eco-Projects Services Directory.

Another useful organization are the EBANZ (Earth Building Association of NZ). West Auckland’s Waitakere Council have also been particularly active with their Eco-City philosophies, including the EcoMatters Environmental Trust, and the Council’s share-holding in the Beacon Pathway research consortium on environmentally sustainability.

One big reality though with eco-natural houses, is certainly don’t hold your hopes up of ever managing to buy a one-off existing eco-natural house – as owners of these abodes typically rarely sell, because they love their homes!

——————————————————————————–

Kathy Fray is an independent midwife, keynote speaker, magazine columnist, managing director of BabyOK Products, and author of the popular book “OH BABY…Birth Babies & Motherhood Uncensored”

Article Healthier Homes written by Kathy Fray

Family First NZ has posted a reward of $25,000 for information or evidence which leads to a conviction of any person responsible for the murder of the Kahui twins.

“The Kahui twins were murdered almost 4 years ago yet nobody has been accountable for their deaths and no further action is being taken by the police or the Coroner at this stage,” says Bob McCoskrie, National Director of Family First NZ.

“The police acknowledge that the closing of ranks by the families and the ‘right to silence’ and refusal to be interviewed had made the investigation incredibly difficult, with the Kahui family being referred to as the ‘tight 12’. Yet we now have two victims of child abuse screaming for justice – where are their rights?”

“This should not be allowed to be swept under the carpet. NZ’ers want answers to this case – who killed the twins, why did the prosecution fail, and what were the contributing factors to these murders that need to be tackled to avoid similar cases in the future.”

Family First NZ, with the support of the Sensible Sentencing Trust and For the Sake of Our Children Trust, is hoping that the offer of a reward will be the incentive needed for the information to come out which leads to a successful conviction.

“Somebody within the family knows what happened and who was responsible. It’s time they cleared their conscience, came forward with the truth, and got a decent night’s sleep for the first time in 4 years,” says Mr McCoskrie

“The country was shocked and revolted by this case and the accompanying issues of substance abuse, family breakdown, welfare dependency, neglect, and legal issues affecting the police’s ability to solve the case. Yet the message to child abusers has been that their rights will be given more weight than the rights of children to protection and justice.”

“A reward of $25,000 will be a small price to pay for justice to be served for Chris and Cru who would and should have turned four years old next month,” says Mr McCoskrie

Family First NZ is reminding and possibly informing parents that when they complete their IRD Tax Returns for the financial year ended 31 March 2010, they are entitled to claim back 1/3’rd of their school fees.

“Amidst the debate on whether school fees are compulsory or not, many parents aren’t aware that school donations qualify for the Donations Rebate,” says National Director Bob McCoskrie. “This rebate which now has no cap means that parents can get a refund of a third of the school donation. This may be welcome news to families struggling with beginning-of-year expenses.”

The IRD rules state that the following payments qualify for the Donation Rebate:

• Donation payments to state schools (including integrated schools), schools approved as charities for tax purposes, school boards of trustees or parent-teacher associations. These payments must be donations, not just a payment of school fees.
• state-funded schools for payment of fees, as long as these go to the school’s general fund.

Payments that don’t qualify are:

• payments for classes where there is a take-home component, such as woodwork
• where attendance or participation of the activity is voluntary
• transport to or from a school activity, such as a camp or food at the camp
• tertiary or tuition fees.

Mr McCoskrie says that although schools and parents can be confused over the terminology of ‘fees’ and ‘donations’, parents should claim for any general purpose school payments they have made, irrespective of how the school labels them.

He says the IRD should put out guidelines into each school so that parents are aware of this Rebate, and are clear as to which payments qualify and which don’t.

Parents will need a Rebate Claim Form (IR 526) which will either be sent to them or can be obtained from: www.ird.govt.nz or by phoning 0800 257 773.

1) Do not reveal personal information inadvertently.

You may be “shedding” personal details, including e-mail addresses and other contact information, without even knowing it unless you properly configure your Web browser. In your browser’s “Setup”, “Options” or “Preferences” menus, you may wish to use a pseudonym instead of your real name, and not enter an e-mail address, nor provide other personally identifiable information that you don’t wish to share. When visiting a site you trust you can choose to give them your info, in forms on their site; there is no need for your browser to potentially make this information available to all comers. Also be on the lookout for system-wide “Internet defaults” programs on your computer (some examples include Window’s Internet Control Panel, and MacOS’s Configuration Manager, and the third-party Mac utility named Internet Config). While they are useful for various things, like keeping multiple Web browers and other Internet tools consistent in how to treat downloaded files and such, they should probably also be anonymized just like your browser itself, if they contain any fields for personal information. Households with children may have an additional “security problem” – have you set clear rules for your kids, so that they know not to reveal personal information unless you OK it on a site-by-site basis?

2) Turn on cookie notices in your Web browser, and/or use cookie management software or infomediaries.

“Cookies” are tidbits of information that Web sites store on your computer, temporarily or more-or-less permanently. In many cases cookies are useful and inocuous. They may be passwords and user IDs, so that you do not have to keep retyping them every time you load a new page at the site that issued the cookie. Other cookies however, can be used for “data mining” purposes, to track your motions through a Web site, the time you spend there, what links you click on and other details that the company wants to record, usually for marketing purposes. Most cookies can only be read by the party that created them. However, some companies that manage online banner advertising are, in essence, cookie sharing rings. They can track which pages you load, which ads you click on, etc., and share this information with all of their client Web sites (who may number in the hundreds, even thousands.) Some examples of these cookie sharing rings are DoubleClick, AdCast and LinkExchange. For a demonstration of how they work, see: http://privacy.net/track/

Browsers are starting to allow user control over cookies. Netscape, for example, allows you to see a notice when a site tries to write a cookie file to your hard drive, and gives you some information about it, allowing you to decide whether or not to accept it. (Be on the lookout for cookies the function of which is not apparent, which go to other sites than the one you are trying to load, or which are not temporary). It also allows you to automatically block all cookies that are being sent to third parties (or to block all cookies, entirely, but this will make some sites inoperable). Internet Explorer has a cookie management interface in addition to Netscape-like features, allowing you to selectively enable or disable cookies on a site-by-site basis, even to allow cookies for a site generally, but delete a specific cookie you are suspicious about. With Internet Explorer you can also turn on cookies for a site temporarily then disable them when you no longer need them (e.g., at an online bookstore that requires cookies to process an order, but whom you don’t want to track what books you are looking at, what links you are following, etc., the rest of the time.) Turning on cookie warnings will cause alert boxes to pop up, but after some practice you may learn to hit “Decline” so fast that you hardly notice them any more. The idea is to only enable cookies on sites that require them AND whom you trust. You may also wish to try out “alternative” browsers like Mozilla (Windows, Mac, Linux), Opera (Windows, Mac, Linux), Konqueror (Linux), and iCab (Mac), which may offer better cookie management.

You can also use cookie management software and services.  As well, there are numerous “cookie eater” applications, some which run on a schedule or in the background, that delete cookie files for you. As with turning off cookies entirely, you may have trouble accessing sites that require certain cookies (though in most cases the worst that will happen is that you’ll have to re-enter a login ID and password you thought were saved.) “Eating” the cookies periodically still permits sites to track what you’re doing for a short time (i.e., the time between successive deletion of your cookie file), but thwarts attempts to discern and record your actions over time.

Yet another option is to use an “infomediary” (some are home-use software products, others may be network-based services).  These products/services act as a proxy or shield between you and sites you visit, and can completely disguise to Web sites where you are coming from and who you are (and intercept all cookies). The best solution doesn’t exist yet: Full cookie management abilities built into the browsers themselves. Only increased user pressure on Microsoft, Netscape and other browser makers can make this happen. Users should ultimately be able to reject cookies on a whole-domain basis, reject all third-party cookies by default, reject all cookies that are not essential for the transaction at hand, receive notice of exactly what a cookie is intended for, and be able to set default behaviors and permissions rather than have to interact with cookies on a page-by-page basis. This just isn’t possible yet. You may wish to contact the company that makes your browser software and demand these essential features in the next version.

3) Keep a “clean” e-mail address.

When mailing to unknown parties; posting to newsgroups, mailing lists, chat rooms and other public spaces on the Net; or publishing a Web page that mentions your e-mail address, it is best to do this from a “side” account, some pseudonymous or simply alternate address, and to use your main or preferred address only on small, members-only lists and with known, trusted individuals. Addresses that are posted (even as part of message headers) in public spaces can be easily discovered by spammers (online junk mailers) and added to their list of targets. If your public “throw away” address gets spammed enough to become annoying, you can simply kill it off, and start a new one. Your friends, boss, etc., will still know your “real” address. You can use a free (advertising-supported) e-mail service provider like Yahoo Mail, Gmail or Hotmail for such “side” accounts. It is best to use a “real” Internet service provider for your main account, and to examine their privacy policies and terms of service, as some “freemail” services may have poor privacy track records. You may find it works best to use an e-mail package that allows mulitiple user IDs and addresses (a.k.a. “personalities”, “aliases”) so that you do not have to switch between multiple programs to manage and use more than one e-mail address (though you may have to use a Web browser rather than an e-mail program to read your mail in your “throw away” accounts – many freemail providers do not allow POP or IMAP connections). If you are “required” to give an e-mail address to use a site (but will not be required to check your mail for some kind of access code they send you), you can use “someuser@example.com” (example.com is a non-existent site, set up by the Internet standards to be used as an example that will never accidentally coincide with anyone’s real e-mail address, which is always a danger if you just make up one off the top of your head.)

4) Don’t reveal personal details to strangers or just-met “friends”.

The speed of Internet communication is often mirrored in rapid online acquaintanceships and friendships. But it is important to realize that you don’t really know who these people are or what they are like in real life. A thousand miles away, you don’t have friends-of-friends or other references about this person. Be also wary of face-to-face meetings. If you and your new e-friend wish to meet in person, do it in a public place. Bringing a friend along can also be a good idea. One needn’t be paranoid, but one should not be an easy mark, either. Some personal information you might wish to withhold until you know someone much better would include your full name, place of employment, phone number, and street address (among more obvious things like credit card numbers, etc.) Needless to say, such information should not be put on personal home pages. (If you have a work home page, it may well have work contact information on it, but you needn’t reveal this page to everyone you meet in a chat room.) For this and other reasons, many people maintain two personal home pages, a work-related one, and an “off duty” version. In the commercial sector, too, beware “fast-met friends”. A common “social engineering” form of industrial espionage is to befriend someone online just long enough to get them to reveal insider information.

5) Realize you may be monitored at work, avoid sending highly personal e-mail to mailing lists, and keep sensitive files on your home computer.

In most US states and many if not most countries, employees have little if any privacy protection from monitoring by employers. When discussing sensitive matters in e-mail or other online media, be certain with whom you are communicating. If you replied to a mailing list post, check the headers – is your reply going to the person you think it is, or to the whole list? Also be aware that an increasing number of employers are monitoring and recording employee Web usage, as well as e-mail. This could compromise home banking passwords and other sensitive information. Keep private data and private Net usage private, at home. See this CNN/IDG article on “snoopware” (which may not be limited to your office…):
http://www.cnn.com/2001/TECH/ptech/11/07/snoopware.idg/

6) Beware sites that offer some sort of reward or prize in exchange for your contact information or other personal details.

There’s a very high probability that they are gathering this information for direct marketing purposes. In many cases your name and address are worth much more to them because they can sell it to other marketers (who can do the same in turn…) than what you are (supposedly) getting from them. Be especially wary of sweepstakes and contests. You probably won’t win, but the marketer sure will if you give them your information.

7) Do not reply to spammers, for any reason.

“Spam”, or unsolicited bulk e-mail, is something you are probably already familiar with (and tired of). If you get a spammed advertisment, certainly don’t take the sender up on whatever offer they are making, but also don’t bother replying with “REMOVE” in the subject line, or whatever (probably bogus) unsubscribe instructions you’ve been given). This simply confirms that your address is being read by a real person, and you’ll find yourself on dozens more spammers’ lists in no time. If you open the message, watch your outgoing mail queue to make sure that a “return receipt” message was not generated to be sent back to the spammer automatically. (It is best to queue your mail and send manually, rather than send immediately, so that you can see what’s about to go out before it’s actually sent. You should also turn off your mailer’s automatic honoring of return receipt requests, if any.) If you have a good Internet service provider, you may be able to forward copies of spam e-mail to the system administrators who can route a complaint to the ISP of the spammer (or if you know a lot about mail headers and DNS tools, you can probably contact these ISPs yourself to complain about the spammer.) If you are getting spammed a lot, there are a variety of filters and anti-spam services available.

Be conscious of Web security.

Never submit a credit card number or other highly sensitive personal information without first making sure your connection is secure (encrypted). In Netscape, look for an closed lock (Windows) or unbroken key (Mac) icon at the bottom of the browser window. In Internet Explorer, look for a closed lock icon at the bottom (Windows) or near the top (Mac) of the browser window. In any browser, look at the URL (Web address) line – a secure connection will begin “https://” intead of “http://”. If you are at page that asks for such information but shows “http://” try adding the “s” yourself and hitting enter to reload the page (for Netscape or IE; in another browser, use whatever method is required by your browser to reload the page at the new URL). If you get an error message that the page or site does not exist, this probably means that the company is so clueless – and careless with your information and your money – that they don’t even have Web security. Take your business elsewhere.

Your browser itself gives away information about you, if your IP address can be tied to your identity (this is most commonly true of DSL and broadband users, rather than modem users, who are a dwindling minority). For a demo of how much detail is automatically given out about your system by your browser, see: http://privacy.net/analyze/ .

Also be on the lookout for “spyware” – software that may be included with applications you install (games, utilities, whatever), the purpose of which is to silently spy on your online habits and other details and report it back to the company whose product you are using.

Java, Javascript and ActiveX can also be used for spyware purposes. Support for these scripting languages can be disabled in your browser’s configuration options (a.k.a. preferences, settings, or properties). It is safest to surf with them turned off, and only turn them on when a site you trust and want to use requires them. If you don’t know if your browser supports these languages or don’t know if they are turned on you can use BrowserSpy to find out (along with a lot of other information about your Web browsing software): http://gemal.dk/browserspy/

Another form of spyware consists of “webbugs”, which typically manifest themselves as invisible or nearly invisible image files tied to cookies and javascripts that track your Web usage. See http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=webbugs+%22web+bugs%22 for more information on webbugs. See also this webbug FAQ, http://www.nthelp.com/OEtest/web_bug_faq.htm for more details. Dealing with webbugs when they are embedded in an otherwise legitimate page is thorny, as there isn’t a surefire way to distinguish between webbugs and run-of-the-mill image files. But see the Privacy Foundation’s Bugnosis webbug detector ( http://www.bugnosis.org/ – Windows MSIE only). When webbugs are loaded into popup pages, the solution is to close the popups (usually a small page with an ad, though some of them are “micropages” that you can barely see. A few may even use javascript tricks to keep you from closing them. If this happens, close all other browser windows, then you should be able to close the bug window). Another tip for defeating webbugs is to reject any cookies from Doubleclick, AdCast, LinkExchange and other “ad exchange networks” (cookie sharing rings), and any other cookies that are not from the site you are currently visiting (most third-party cookies are basically webbugs). Lastly on this topic, be aware that HTML-capable e-mail programs and Usenet newsreaders make webbugs work in your e-mail and newsgroups. If your mailer or newsreader has an option to turn off cookie support, you should certainly do so. There is hardly any imaginable legitimate use for a cookie in an email or a newsgroup posting.

9) Be conscious of home computer security.

On the other side of the coin, your own computer may be a trouble spot for Internet security. If you have a DSL line, broadband cable modem or other connection to the Internet that is up and running 24 hours (including T1 at the office without a firewall or NAT), unlike a modem-and-phone-line connection, be sure to turn your computer off when you are not using it. Most home PCs have pitifully poor security compared to the Unix workstations that power most commercial Web sites. System crackers search for vulnerable, unattended DSL-connected home computers, and can invade them with surprising ease, rifiling through files looking for credit card numbers or other sensitive data, or even “taking over” the computer and quietly using it for their own purposes, such as lauching attacks on other computers elsewhere – attacks you could initially be blamed for. Firewall hardware and software is another option that can protect you from these kinds of attacks.

10) Examine privacy policies and seals.

When you are considering whether or not to do business with a Web site, there are other factors than a secure connection you have to consider that are equally important to Web security. Does the site provide offline contact information, including a postal address? Does the site have a prominently-posted privacy policy? If so, what does it say? (Just because they call it a “privacy policy” doesn’t mean it will protect you – read it for yourself. Many are little more than disclaimers saying that you have no privacy! So read them carefully.) If the policy sounds OK to you, do you have a reason to believe it? Have you ever heard of this company? What is their reputation? And are they backing up their privacy statement with a seal program such as TRUSTe ( http://www.truste.org/ ) or BBBonline ( http://www.bbbonline.org/ )? (While imperfect, such programs hold Web sites to at least some minimal baseline standards, and may revoke, with much fanfare, the approval-seal licenses of bad-acting companies that do not keep their word.) If you see a seal, is it real? Check with the seal-issuing site to make sure the seal isn’t a fake. And examine terms carefully, especially if you are subscribing to a service rather than buying a product. Look out for auto-rebilling scams and hidden fees.

11) Remember that YOU decide what information about yourself to reveal, when, why, and to whom.

Don’t give out personally-identifiable information too easily. Just as you might think twice about giving some clerk at the mall your home address and phone number, keep in mind that simply because a site asks for or demands personal information from you does not mean you have to give it. You do have to give accurate billing information if you are buying something, of course, but if you are registering with a free site that is a little too nosy for you, there is no law (in most places) against providing them with pseudonymous information. (However, it would probably be polite to use obviously fake addresses, such as “123 No Such Street, Nowhere, DC 01010″. If they are generating mailings based on this information – presumably in accordance with the terms of their privacy policy – they can probably weed such addresses out and not waste the postage on them. Definitely do NOT use someone else’s real address!) However, if you are required to agree to terms of service before using the free service, be sure those terms do not include a requirement that you provide correct information, unless the penalty is simply not being allowed to use the service any more, and you’re willing to pay that price if they figure out you are not providing them with your actual personally-identifiable information.

12) Use encryption!

Last but certainly not least, there are other privacy threats besides abusive marketers, nosy bosses, spammers and scammers. Some of the threats include industrial espionage, government surveillance, identity theft, disgruntled former associates, and system crackers. Relatively easy-to-use e-mail and file encryption software is available for free, such as Pretty Good Privacy (PGP, available at: http://www.pgpi.org/ ), which runs on almost all computers and even integrates seamlessly with most major e-mail software. Good encryption uses very robust secret codes, that are difficult if not impossible to crack, to protect your data. You can also use specialized services (some free, some pay) that go beyond infomediary services, including running all connections through a securely encrypted “tunnel”, anonymous dialup, even anonymous Web publishing.

Hopefully some day soon, good encryption and computer security will simply be included in all ISP services and operating systems, but for now you have to actively seek out good service providers and add-on products.

Question: Can I Find Hope When I Feel Like a “Lonely Single Parent?”

I hate to sound like a “lonely single parent,” but it’s such a challenge to meet new people when I barely have time for myself as it is. What can I do? Should I resign myself to feeling lonely until my kids are older?

Answer: It’s not uncommon to feel lonely as a single parent. After all, so much of your time and energy are emptied out in caring for your children and providing for your kids’ needs, that it’s easy for your responsibilities to overshadow a potential social life. However, with some effort, you can overcome feeling like a “lonely single parent” and create the kind of social life you long for. Begin by asking yourself the following questions and choosing one or two of the suggested activities below:

1.  What would I really like my social life to look like?

Spend some time envisioning what it would be like to have a fulfilling, active social life. Who would you be spending your time with? How would your children fit into this scenario? Sometimes just getting clear about your ultimate goals can help you find ways to make those dreams a reality.

2. What is standing in my way?

What’s the biggest obstacle right now to your having a lively, engaging social life? Is it time? Is it a lack of opportunity? Could it also be connected to your feelings about yourself? Getting clear about the obstacles you face, or even the walls you may inadvertently put up, can help you overcome them.

3. Does the effort I’m making to meet new people match my desire for an active, enjoyable social life?

If it doesn’t, step up the effort you’re making. In this way, you can work to overcome feeling like a “lonely single parent” by changing the effort you’re making. Try:

To read more click on read more underneath this sentence.

• Attending a book discussion at your local bookstore or library.

• Taking a class in a topic that interests you.

• Getting together with some old friends you haven’t seen for awhile. Chances are, they will introduce you to some of their new friends!

• Hosting an informal neighborhood gathering or potluck dinner. It will give you a chance to meet some people you haven’t met before.

4.  Are my own expectations making me feel lonely?

For example, if you believe you “should” be in a romantic relationship, you’re probably setting yourself up to feel badly about not being in one. (In addition, this kind of self-pressure leaves you vulnerable to making poor decisions in relation to who you choose to date.) To move beyond these kinds to self-imposed limitations, focus on building friendships, not just romantic relationships. Try:

• Introducing yourself in the Single Parents Forum and making some friends online

• Finding a “buddy” you can eat lunch with regularly at work

• Hosting an informal event with the parents of some of your child’s friends. This would be a great way to get to know other families and also develop friendships of your own

Jump-starting your social life isn’t easy. It definitely requires some intentional steps and a lot of effort. However, it is worth the energy it will cost you to build meaningful friendships into your life and move beyond the uncomfortable “lonely single parent” feeling you described.

Support and Encouragement for Single Parents

Survive the First Year

Self Care Tips for Single Parents

Quiz: Are You Taking Good Care of Yourself?
Avoid Single Parent Burnout
Carving Out “Me Time”

I recently received an e-mail from a single parent asking if I know of any Christian Single Parent’s groups. I think this is a good question and I’d like to have a list of churches who have support groups.

There was one I found in Christchurch 3 years ago and I had heard from a group of Christian women who had a wonderful opening day in Auckland yet I can’t remember their website. Another church had contacted us over a year ago through Waitakere City council also.

I will have to use my brain to try and find them but if by chance anyone out there knows of a Christian group or two, please share and leave a comment.

IN the meantime, here’s a helpful  article I found on Kiwifamilies

Somebody Help Me!

One winter night a few years ago, I found myself lying on the bathroom floor, pausing between bouts of vomiting and diarrheoa to listen out for my toddler who had whooping cough. You could say it was not one of my better moments.

But in the midst of it all, I suddenly found myself worrying about the lawn. It was alarmingly long, I had no lawn mower and couldn’t afford to buy one. Even if I could, my daughter was terrified of the noise so what would I do with her while I did the job?

The practical needs of a solo parent can be overwhelming. On top of the jobs common to all mothers, single mums, for example, have total responsibility for home, garden and car maintenance. Most, even on the benefit, have to work at least part-time; and making all the decisions all of the time is a heavy burden.

Lesley Williams, manager of single-parent support agency Birthright, says most people parenting on their own are chronically tired.

“Single parents are under an enormous amount of stress, there are so many demands and so many balls to keep in the air.”

So where can single parents turn for practical help?

There are three basic avenues: family, friends and community organisations.

Family

Even the most dysfunctional family can often provide love and concern – and give you a hand fixing the roof. Involvement with the extended family is also positive for your children.

Be considerate however – don’t ‘over-use’ family members and always be thankful for whatever help you do get.

One option to ease the strain is to move back home – if the grandparents are willing. It’s not easy, but as paediatrician and author Dr Christopher Green says in Toddler Taming, “This is not a time to be difficult or choosey. The advantages of returning to a familiar home patch, with help in child care and an emotionally secure environment for children, make diplomacy a course to consider.”

If family members live far away, consider moving closer. This sounds dramatic, but the advantages could be enormous. Or, be creative and ‘advertise’ for grandparents. I know of one single mother who did this and found a gorgeous older couple only too delighted to have a little family to love and assist.

Friends

Friends can be lifesavers in just about any situation. As well as providing practical help, they can also give advice, help you make decisions and assure you everything will be alright. Other solo parents can provide huge support – for example, swapping babysitting favours.

Hesitate before asking to borrow money, however. Mark Twain once described friendship as “ that enduring institution that will withstand anything if not asked to lend money.”

It’s also well worth getting to know your neighbours. I sometimes look after the little boy from over the fence, and, in return, his Dad (who works in pest control) has de-bugged my house and helped me shift heavy furniture.

Community Organisations

Community groups can be really helpful or really not, depending on those in charge and the resources available to them. Organisations which may be able to offer practical assistance include the Salvation Army, Plunket, Barnados, the Open Home Foundation and Lions or Rotary groups. Citizens Advice Bureau can give you more of an idea where to go in your own town.

Birthright is a good place to start. The low-profile organisation was set up in 1955 in the post-war era to offer support to lone-parent families. Today there are 16 branches around the country offering single parents assistance with everything from budgeting to providing Christmas presents.

“We’re intensely practical,” says Lesley. “When someone approaches us we start by trying to identify their most pressing need: do you have enough food, do you have school uniforms, is your house warm enough.”

Birthright also refers people to many other services.

Another idea is to contact a local pastor. These days churches don’t seem to be very good at reaching out to those in need – but in most cases, they are more than willing to help when asked. Christian women’s organisations, such as the international group Women Aglow, are often filled with willing and caring volunteers.

The point with all of these options is that you have to ask! People are not mind-readers – but most have good hearts and will help, or at least point you in the right direction.

Sandi Paterson is a freelance journalist based in Tauranga. She lives in a 1950’s bach with her daughter, a grumpy cat, and a budgie who sits on her computer when she writes. This article appeared originally in Little Treasures magazine.

Article Somebody Help Me! written by Sandi Paterson.

I feel just awful to have let so many down and disheartened that opportunities to get to know others were missed. I guess all I can do is apologise and make up for it in this new year of 2010.    Oh, I guess there is one more thing I can do.  Explain what happened and ask for readers and members to be understanding………….Hmm, Ok, here goes …….

At the beginning of December  I was rushed to North Shore Hospital via ambulance in excruciating pain. It was a terrible trip feeling every bump in the road but the ambulance stopped to try and provide some pain relief while they are not allowed to carry strong pain killers.

I vaguely remember the beginning part of my time in  A&E (accident and emergency) and part of the end of the  day. I must have had an x-ray or ultrasound because I remember being in a room and put asleep for a minor type of surgery. I remember being in a patients bed on the surgery ward afterwards, being hooked up to a morphine drip, moving from a room of 4 patients to my own single room, another minor type of surgery and my sons visiting. Oh, I remember the nurse I had.  She was great!

I remember the following morning when I was taken from the surgery ward to intensive care.  I remember a male nurse leaning over me to hook up an oxygen mask saying ‘welcome princess’, and a team of doctors with one saying, “You have a team of 20 and we will work things out together” as well as “You need to breathe through this oxygen mask till 2pm”.

From that moment I breathed through an oxygen mask that had air rushing at me as if I was a dog with it’s head out the window. At 2pm I was taken for a CT (cat scan). I remember the nurse who was taking care of me saying, “I have to keep her breathing above 93%” and hearing whispers from other nurses saying, “The time I took a patient like this … blah, blah, blah”. I assumed (not always the best thing to do) these nurses were saying I shouldn’t be taken away from the mask for the test, so I worked hard to breathe on my own.

About 8 doctors and nurses accompanied me to the scanner in a hurry, moved me from one bed to another and hooked me up for the intravenous dye. All the while they just kept asking, “Are you alright” and saying, “You’re doing well.” Once back in intensive care I was put back on the same oxygen mask while they looked over the scan results to make their plans.

All of a sudden I wanted off the mask saying, “You said I would only have to be on this till 2pm”. That is when things got interesting. I think I wanted a quick fix for I was feeling much better without the pain (morpine helps) but they had other ideas and one of them was to put me on life support. They had already contacted my girlfriends and told them to get my children in ASAP as I may not have ever spoken to them again.  You can imagine I was distressed by now and being naive as I was to medical treatment and with this being my first time in hospital, I was not able to let that happen (life support). Firmly one specialist told me that out of 100’s of cases people lasted half a day up to 4 days but all ended up on life support and that I had damaged my pancreas so severly there was very little left……

You see, I had gall stones and was on a list to have my gall bladder removed some time 2010.  But they were moving stones and one got stuck in the pancrea duct at 5cm in size.  It caused the pancrea enzymes that break down food and turn it into glucose to attack my pancreas.  This was a life threatening situation and every moment my body was doing something as a reaction with so many of those things meaning possible death. For instance,  the enzymes can enter the bloodstream and destroy other organs such as the kidneys and heart or  the body’s immune system breaks down and any infection would be deadly.  In fact, an infection can come from the body itself reacting.

………Two nurses were comforting me by now with one rubbing my arm explaining I had no choice and that this was what I needed to do. (life support) I couldn’t comprehend and the distress was affecting my level of wellbeing so  they allowed me a break off the oxygen mask I was on and replaced it with an easier mask.  I spent the whole time in intensive care back and forth between those 2 masks.

That night was bad for me because one nurse wanted me to lay on my side which caused pain that lasted for days and another wouldn’t allow me to see the oxygen machine so I couldn’t work on my breathing. She said it was only for them to monitor and moved it out of reach from me. I decided from that moment I was going to have to fight the nurses if I was going to have a chance and so it was for seven long days and nights as I was hooked up to more drips, a tube for food, dehydrated, hallucinating and being soooo, sooo  sick.  It was a nightmare for all involved.

After the seven days the specialist who told me I couldn’t do it came to me chuckling asking if I remembered fighting with him (I didn’t) and told me I had made it. I was no longer at death’s door and was moved back to the surgical ward where I spent the remainder of my weeks in hospital. It was hard and the nurses wanted me back in intensive care for the first few days but I just kept on breathing to the best of my ability and tried to keep the pain at bay.

I won’t go on and on and on about my recovery journey even though I am a very,  lucky girl (as one doctor put it) and have an amazing tale.  It was long and it was hard but I am out of hospital and looking forward to a wonderful year spent with good company.

Well, … that’s my explanation for being unable to welcome new members, answer e-mails, send out tickets and say, “Merry Xmas and Happy New Year’ to older members from December till now.  I am very sorry and hope this year can be a enventful year full of wonderful things for all of us together. I am so looking forward to it.

This year we have a few events for November/December.  Please let us know what you are interested in.

Click here to view “Events at the Parenting Place”

Two events you won’t want to miss. Get in quick and purchase your tickets now.
Christmas Event Fundraiser – an evening hosted by Amanda Pilbrow, Thurs 12 Nov 7.00pm-10.00pm

Two dynamic speakers on two helpful topics

1. How to survive the Christmas season without killing your family
- Allison Mooney

Allison Mooney is one of New Zealand’s most sort after professional speakers.

2. Decorating ideas – Anya Brighouse

Anya Brighouse is interior designer and stylist for Parenting Magazine.

BOOK NOW – tickets only $25

Ticket price includes drinks and light supper. ($10 from every ticket sale will go to The Salvation Army Bethany Centre.)


People Pride Place Festival

Free Community Festival – 14 November. Henderson Valley Road Park

Lots and lots of free things for kiddies to do. Rock climbing and heaps of other things the community can do.
Link

Just waiting on the details from this awesome group. They have made a huge impact on the community in such a short time they can hardly keep their website up to date. We are waiting on the details. It will be in the newsletter.
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The Farmer’s Santa Parade is the biggest event in the heart of the city of Auckland.
Sunday 29th November 2009!!!
(Rain Date: Sunday 6th December 2009)

The Parade Route is 2.2kms long and takes approximately 50 minutes to pass any given point. The Parade ends at approximately 3.30pm with the After Party from 3.30pm to 5.30pm.

Single Parent’s gets a number of free tickets for a special area closed off from the public where children will receive extra entertainment, chippies and drinks. We also receive a number of free parking tickets right in the city. You must be parked before 12 noon as all roads are closed between 12 – 4pm.

Please bring cushions for seating.

If you would like free tickets please leave a comment and as soon as the tickets are available we will e-mail you and send them out.

Please do not leave your address in the comment

Southern Star Charitable Trust presents a “Kids In Show Seats” benefit in aid of ‘worthy charities’.

Auckland Single Parent’s Trust receives a number of free tickets for this event.

Date: December 5th 2009

Times: 10 am, 1 pm and 4pm.

We have tickets for all 3 shows so we need to know what time you choose to go.

Link Here

Special Children’s Christmas Party

The party will start at 11 am on Saturday December 12th and go for three and a half fun-filled hours during which the children will be treated to a star-studded stage show featuring many local and national artists.

A popular local band will keep the music going as the children enjoy the stage programme and the many other activities such as rides, face painting, merry-go-rounds, jumping castles and much more. There will be the opportunity for the children to meet our very special celebrities and guest artist too! With all this fun to be had, the children will need all the hot-dogs, chippies, drinks, fruit , lollies, sandwiches and ice-creams that we can provide.

Father Christmas will arrive in a spectacular fashion even though Rudolph and the boys have the day off. After greeting the children from the stage, Santa will meet all the children individually in the Santa’s HUGE Cave as they come to collect 3 or 4 of their very own high quality Christmas presents.

Auckland Single Parent’s Christmas get together …… soon to be added.

Christmas Day Dinner run by City Mission.

Date: 25th December 2009 Click here
The Mission hosts the country’s largest Christmas Dinner. Over 1500 guests and 400 volunteers from all walks of life come together as a community to celebrate Christmas. The event provides a feeling of being part of a wider family Christmas celebration. A sense of community is at the core of every aspect of the day, with guests coming from every culture and age range.

This is a wonderful event for the family and especially if you don’t have a larger family to spend the day with. We must now ASAP if you interested in this day.

Question:

Théun, I am battling with the hurt I am experiencing as a result of my divorce. This hurt mostly comes from us starting to argue about how we should be splitting up our joint assets, and it is this that hurts me, mostly because I keep on wondering if our marriage meant nothing more than the acquisition of material things. How does one resolve hurt, Théun?

Théun’s Guidance:
My lovely Easterly friend, you are talking and thinking yourself round in circles! You are trying to RESOLVE the hurt instead of STAYING WITH the hurt, allowing it to guide you to a deeper understanding of yourself whereupon it will automatically DISSIPATE, having served its purpose! This is the TRUE meaning of the term “resolve,” that is, the intent to learn! But when it comes to intent, to resolving, the mind is a little less than useless!

The only REAL hurt there is, is when we are brought face to face with our INABILITY to MEET another unit of life with whom we have come very close in being able to truly meet! It is not the money, the houses, the furniture, the kitchens, the children, the dogs and parrots, but that indefinable some-thing else, loosely termed, love! In other words, whilst the mind occupies itself with material things such as houses, earnings, etc., it is the HEART that feels the wrench in the parting of ways, and the subsequent pain of loss – the deep sadness that comes from knowing that we were given a chance, but that somehow we screwed up! Sure it takes two to tango, and therefore it also takes two to screw up, but where there is a genuine openness of heart, or even just the BEGINNINGS of an opening of the heart, the sense of loss is always devastating in that one can always see one’s own role so clearly!

Within the heart there is no blame, no justifications, and if one knows that one has given that relationship one’s ALL, yet still failed, there are no regrets, no remorse, even though the pain of loss STILL cuts to the very core of one’s beingness! Why? Because deep down inside we all KNOW what the purpose of the spirit is, for it pulses through our beingness as surely as does our blood, the life essence! What is that purpose? At-one-ness, inclusiveness! And when we fail in doing OUR part in SUPPORTING that purpose, for whatever reason, our hearts cannot lie by pretending that all is fine, all is okay, but instead speaks the truth, and the truth is always sobering, and often hurts like all hell!

So, rather than getting yourself LOST in the petty world of an overactive and domineering mind, elevate your mind to its RIGHT-FULL place in helping you to think CLEARLY about how BEST you can play YOUR part in supporting the purpose of the spirit, for only in THIS way do you stand any chance at all in fighting your battles concerning relationships IMPECCABLY! These relationships include also your relationship with your business, with crystallized power, and above all, your relationship with THE male, namely, the spirit! Is it a battle we can ever win in the true sense of the word? Not really! The only thing that you and I CAN do is to fight an IMPECCABLE battle towards achieving at-one-ness, inclusiveness, you as a female, I as a male! And hopefully, by co-operating intelligently, we will BOTH gain a better under-standing of how to fight this battle, until one day we wake up from the madness of the dream, the madness being the ILLUSION of SEPARATIVENESS, to KNOW that we do not have to WIN the spirit’s love for us, for we ARE the spirit, irrespective of gender!