The Newmarket Viaduct will be closed for around 36 hours from 5pm Saturday to late Sunday night. Train trips will be free throughout Auckland’s rail network during this period to accommodate traffic.

The motorway’s southbound lanes will be closed between the Gillies Ave off-ramp and Greenlane interchange which is being considered to have the potential to cause extensive congestion throughout Auckland and people are being advised to stay away from the Southern Motorway. Detours are planned, are available online, here and here.

We could take advantage of this, if you’d like, and could add a fun free train trip with our visit to the Auckland Museum which is also free to Auckland residents with proof of address. This can either be a letter addressed to you such as a bill or your library card. They have a lot of children activities so it could be a good idea to dress your children in clothing you don’t mind getting paint on and these cost a gold coin donation. One event this Sunday is ‘Trolly Dolly Exhibition‘.

We will meet outside the main entrance at 11am, walk around the museum, find a nice place to sit and eat lunch and then look for children’s activities and visit more areas of the museum.

Also this day is North Shore Support group meeting and Potluck Lunch.

Venue: Bayview Community Centre
72 Bayview Road, Glenfield – see MAP here
Cost: free for members, $2 gold coin donation for non-members.
Don’t forget to bring a plate of food to share with the group.

Anyways, one of the speakers was Judy Bailey who used to present the news on TV. Presently she is with the charity Brainwaves and they are forwarding information coming through from Neuroscience particularly around brain development to schools, parents and groups around NZ.

Honestly, …. mind blowing.

The way our children’s brain develops will determine who they are and who they will become. The information helps us to better understand the relationship between nature (genes) and nurture (experience). Brain development is a ‘dance’ or interplay between genes and experience and both play an important part in the life we are responsible for.

Your child’s brain begins to form within days of conception. However most of his/her brain actually develops after birth – in the first three years of life. It is his/her experiences in these years that will shape and build his/her brain. Interestingly, humans are the only species whose brain adapts to their environment.

It’s not rocket science to know we as parents are important in our child’s development but it’s awesome to understand the scientific side of it.

Here is Brainwave’s booklet on the first 3 years of a child’s life.

Here is Brainwaves site. Go and check it out! There’s much more on offer than just the first 3 years of a child’s life.

Also, I have phoned them to get a speaker to present the information to our group at one of our support meetings. You mustn’t miss this.

Which reminds me, we cut off the date for our Christmas camping holiday on the 30th but if you get in quickly, we can still book for you. I picked up a beautiful big tent from my children’s father on Friday and I am aware there are others bringing big tents and other stuff we can share so please don’t feel like you need to miss out because you don’t have things.

Other notes of importance;

Father Daniel Ryder is leaving Auckland today to tour the country protesting outside CYFS offices and I will try to keep us all up to date on his progress.

Men’s groups will be presenting some excellent workshops this week in Waitakere for ‘Fathering our city’ and all are invited, specially needed are fathers.

Birthright is flying our sister/brother single support groups up to Auckland for a meeting on making us a national group – one voice for single parents. This is important so if you are outside of Auckland and have been giving serious thought to starting a single parent group in your area, please get in touch with us ASAP. Also, if you are in Auckland and want to help as a leader in any area that affects single parents, please let us know so we can have you attending.

Bush walks are now going to be a regular weekend event.

Pinocchio tickets are here so we have to get them out to you. Expect to be asked for confirmation of address, times and number of tickets.

We have a potluck dinner at Linda’s this Saturday night coming that’s going to be fun and our Nth Shore support group as well as an adventure at the Auckland Museum on Sunday.

Sooooo, I hope your week has started off well and ends well too. Oh, as always, keep an eye on events.

Warm regards,

It’s a week to celebrate fatherhood, present issues father’s face to community groups and the wider public and a week where men will hold meetings to discuss where Waitakere goes with it’s support for men as fathers. Since single parent fathers have a unique understanding of the needs of fathers during separation and raising children as sole parents and parents who share the care of their children, our dads have been asked to attend and give their opinion and advice. This is a time when you’re the expert simply for the fact you walk the walk and as this opportunity comes around once a year, it would be wonderful to get as many fathers along as possible to one particular event so Waitakere can put services in place for 2011.

Engaging with Waitakere Dads

What’s working and what’s worth trying?

Wednesday 1 September 7pm-9pm at Te Tari Puna Ora O Aotearoa, 8 Montel Ave, Henderson.

A discussion event for fathers and those who care about them, with representatives from the following organisations:

We had a wonderful conversation about single parents and teenagers and the need for single parents to be supported during this challenging time. I spoke about my ordeal and how I was fortunate to have the support of 3 older women. Two were tough on me, relentlessly reminding me how I was responsible for my children’s lives as a parent. No sympathy was given for ‘poor me’ who was struggling but they did give me advice. The third one empowered me by explaining how teenager’s trials work which gave me a way of dealing with each one as they presented themselves. I’m so glad they were in my life and I’m so glad they kept pushing me for now that my children are older and we’ve come out the other end, I have a good relationship with them, they are respectful to me and they’ve had a good start in life.

Sadly, not everyone has been as fortunate as me. I have a bus stop across the road from my place where single mothers sit escaping from their home that is overrun by their children. It’s very sad to see and it’s happening everywhere.

Last year, 444 children aged 14 to 16 were apprehended for domestic common assault – up from 339 in 2008 and way up from the 114 in 2000, Statistics New Zealand figures showed. A further 17 were apprehended for common assault using a weapon (not a firearm) in a domestic situation.

For those aged 10-13, there were 130 common assaults reported in 2009 – up from 95 in 2008 and 50 in 2000. And for under-nines, there were six domestic common assaults reported in 2009, nine in 2008, two in 2007 and three in 2006. In 2008, Nelson police spoke out about a trend of parent abuse. They believed it could have been as a result of the introduction of the anti-smacking bill, because it meant parents were worried about restraining violent children.

In March, the Bay of Plenty Times reported children hitting out at parents was a major part of family violence incidents in the area. Almost 20% of the 250 domestic violence incidents a month involved children striking parents. Incidents included single mothers being threatened by their sons.

Often when the media reports children who abuse, an expert comes forward to give the opinion fathers are to blame through a couple of true life examples. For sure some fathers are physically abusive and children will copycat their parents but with single parents loosing their children to the state at an alarming rate for child abuse or the possibility for future child abuse (this angers me as single parents shouldn’t be losing their children over something that may never happen), …. blaming mothers won’t be far behind blaming fathers and just as fathers, mothers are losing all rights to discipline their children.

However, teenagers need more than boundaries and consequences when they cross them, for they also need to know their parents are giving them real time where they can express themselves, be accepted, understood, listened to and protected. There are lots of adults out there who will use and abuse your children and single parent’s children are an easy target. No-one will care for your teenagers and have THEIR best interests at heart more than you as a parent.

And so my conversation with manager John Donaghy of Birthright moved into discussion on ground work support. Birthright started as a group that asked single parents what support they needed and then provided it. In our NZ society some groups are visiting families in their homes and making a plan with the family to empower them. They will visit every week or more than once a week to help implement the plan, measure progress and solve problems as they’re happening. It’s a hands on approach that’s working yet parents can still gain information through programs and workshops. (see related link)

I love the idea of single parents supporting each other and I love the idea of us helping each other get through trials with teens. One special strength single parents have is empathy for each other, understanding what it’s like for each other, concern for each other’s well-being and compassion for each other. Being a self help group also means we don’t have to involve government departments like CYFS so single parents can feel safe.

If you are in need of support to raise your teens, please feel free to contact us at info@singleparents.org.nz even if you’re not in Auckland for we can pass on a group that can help.

The outdoors all day, children running around and making special friends, adults enjoying great company, the sleeping in tents, the gas cooker, the oil lantern that you need to walk with when you want to use the bathroom at night, the stories around a camp-fire, the fishing, the swimming at the beach, the laughter, …… and exploration.

You don’t need everything because we’re all sharing. Some of us have large tents, some of us have gas cookers, lanterns, spare sleeping bags and more, right down to the plastic cutlery. And besides, together we are making a list, checking it twice and going out and getting the things we need. But what we need right now, is to know who’s coming so we can book. If we leave it any later we’ll be camping in my backyard. *not a good idea”.

Soooo, please let us know if you are coming and how many children you are bringing, ASAP. Email: info@singleparents.org.nz. As always, when you leave a comment, others will get to know who else is coming.

Dates: From December 28th 2010 to January 3rd 2011 (choose as many days as you like, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. )

Cast: $10 – $15 per adult per night. $5 – $7 per child and children under 3/4 free.
Work out how many days/nights you are coming for and times it by the cost per day.

The easiest way to follow these instructions is to open 2 tabs or 2 windows that are both http://singleparents.org.nz/. You can have one to show the instructions and the other to follow the instructions. To open a new window or tab put your mouse over http://singleparents.org.nz/ for our website, and right click. A menu (box) will appear with the option ‘Open link in new window’ and ‘Open link in new tab’. Choose one.

Log-in and access your profile

1. Once you have received a username and password, you can log-in. This is done in a box at the top right-hand corner where you enter your username and password. Once entered, you will come to a new page called the ‘dashboard’.
   …..Don’t be afraid – it looks more complicated than it is.
2. Once at the dashboard you need to adjust your profile. Look to the top right-hand corner and you will see the words ‘Howdy …….. (your name)‘ and ‘Log out‘. When you click your name you are taken to your profile. Here you can change things and add more information. See picture (click to enlarge).

Making changes to ‘your profile’

The only pieces of information required in your Profile are your e-mail address and a nickname. Your email address is only for our site’s administration purposes, nothing else. It is never displayed on our site (unless you put it there manually) or given to anyone else. All of the other personal information asked for here is optional, and, again, it is never sent to any other site or person.

Personal Options and what they mean

Personal Options

Name

1. Username - You cannot edit your Username because it is used as your Username during the login process. Even an Administrator cannot change your Username. No one else ever needs to see your Username.
2. First name – Enter your first name in this text box.
3. Last name – Enter your last name in this text box.
4. Nickname – Enter the nickname as it is a required for every user. It may be the same as your User Name or it can be different. If you don’t supply a Nickname, then the User Name will be placed in this field. This is the name that will show with the comments and posts (articles) you write. It’s what other users will know you as.
5. Display name publicly as – Select, from the drop-down menu, how your name is cited on our site. You can choose from several of the above pieces of information: Nickname, Login name, First Name, Last Name, “First Last”, or “Last First”. If you prefer “Last, First”, insert a comma after your last name in the Last Name text box above and choose the last option from this dropdown.

Contact Info

1. E-mail – All users are required to list an e-mail address in their profile and it must be unique for each user (not the same as someone else). This is the address used to notify you of new comments to your posts (articles) and for other administrative purposes like contacting you to make sure your address hasn’t changed before we send tickets to you.
2. Website – Enter your website address.
3. AIM – Enter your AIM screen name here.
4. Yahoo IM – Enter your Yahoo Messenger ID here.
5. Jabber / Google Talk – Enter your Jabber / Google Talk name here.

About Yourself

Update Profile

Remember to click this button to save the changes you have made to your Profile and Personal Options. After clicking this button you should see a splash message at the top of the screen saying User Updated. If you don’t see that message, then your changes are not saved!

How to subscribe to events and articles

On the left- hand side (within the website) you will see small boxes with pictures in them.
First is a house - this is the dashboard. It’s the first page you come to when you log-in.
Next is a pin tack- where can access posts (articles). You can write a new post and access posts you’ve written to amend them and if necessary delete them. And…….. Further down is a box with 2 people. (between a plug and tools). This is users and it’s another way to access your profile. It gives the extra option for your extended profile and subscription details. Click the picture to the right to enlarge it.

Your extended profile gives your address, phone number and details of your children. It’s optional but helpful for the group and as everything else – it’s private.

Your Subscriptions is where you check which categories you are interested in and when posts (articles) are written like ‘events’, ‘tech talk’ and ‘relationship articles’ you will be notified. Don’t forget to click ‘update preferences’ so what you’ve done is saved.

Getting back to the HOME page and log-out

To get out of the control panel (inside the website) and back to the outside where you can read events and articles, you need to click the wording ‘Auckland Single Parents Trust’ at the top left-hand corner opposite the ‘Howdy …….. (your name)’ and log-out.

It is important to log-out especially when you share your computer with others so they can’t use your membership. To get back into the ‘control panel’ click ‘Welcome……. (yourname)’ where you log-in at the top right-hand corner. To log-out, click logout at the top right-hand corner in the control panel next to ‘Howdy …….. (your name)’.

If you need extra assistance with these instructions please email info@singleparents.org.nz

It’s been a challenge connecting Auckland Single Parent’s Trust to facebook – let me tell you – I have a new found admiration for those who work in IT……. Anyways, I’m very pleased it’s finally ‘done and dusted’ so to speak and look forward to publishing some excellent articles on topics I’ve got sitting and waiting to be published (I think you’ll find them interesting) that affect single parents as well as more events.

From here on, this post is to explain what we’ve done, what you need to do and can do.

If you are reading this, you are at one of three places. Either on the wordpress site, the facebook application or the facebook page.

The connection through a facebook application has allowed us to streamline. This means that whatever is written on wordpress shows up on facebook and when you join the facebook page, you will have articles and events streamlined to your newsfeed. (if you are on facebook).

This is good because events and topics come to you and you can make a comment confirming events or add your opinion, experience and/or knowledge to topics. In turn other single parents can also do the same and you will get to read what they say while they get to read what you say. It’s a great way to make friends and network with other single parents all over New Zealand.

What you need to do and can do.

Where ever you are, you need to join the facebook page. To do this click here to be taken to it. Whatever is written here is written there so you’ll still be able to read these instructions, (while this post is fresh).

Now that you’re at the facebook page, you need to click the ‘like box’ that is to the top right of the written articles (just left of advertisement). To see what a like button looks like, check out the ‘like button’ at the bottom of our articles on our wordpress site, ….. then come back to our ‘facebook page’.

It would be wonderful, if you could leave a comment introducing yourself to the rest of the group and add others who are like yourself as friends. You can also write on the page just as you can the website about another topic, share pictures and videos. Just as the website, the page belongs to all of us and if you can contribute, we’d all be grateful.

Don’t forget to check out our events on our wordpress site, left hand column and add you name if you want to join us.

BTW, if you want to add me as a friend feel free to visit my profile.

From left to right: Me (Julie), Jenny, Achint and Linda

At our last central Auckland meeting, we adults came up with a few ideas that we think will benefit the group. We considered how we have 3 areas with monthly meetings and still need to set up Sth Auckland. By the way, a little birdie told me we have some neat parents out south and I’m looking forward to meeting y’all. There’s also lots of fun things to do in the area, which I’m also looking forward to.

And so, we thought how every week we are somewhere having a lunch as well as going out Saturday nights and wanting family events on the weekends and some walks. We considered how much time it takes to organise all this and that we want to introduce speakers and workshops.

What we thought would be better considering all the above, is to have central, north and south as 2 monthly meetings where we can provide something special as well as sharing and getting together. This means there will not be an October meeting and there may not be a December meeting as we have a number of Christmas events and then Christmas day and a camp for New Years Eve. 2011 will be a new year and we may find we need monthly meetings for different groups but at this stage we are not looking that far ahead.

September’s meetings will have guest speakers and the theme we have chosen for central Auckland is ‘Shared Parenting – how it works and how to make it work”. North Shore’s meeting is yet to be decided.

……………….

On another note, my internet connection broke down over the weekend and so I’m only now catching up with emails. My apologies to new members who have joined – I will be sending you replies ASAP.