NZ Single Parents Trust

One of the hardest issues to survive in, as a single parent , is an overwhelming emotion that you should complete the role of both mother and father. This feeling evolves and will be more intense if the other single parent is not portraying a role that is active with the children.

You would probably fight this feeling often in two ways. Either you try to compensate by being both the mum or dad or you get on one of those wild life hunting explorations to search for a partner to fill in the other role. May I tell you a piece of advice? Neither one of these options will work. It is easier to say it than to do it.

Single parents always bring this feeling of guilt for the reason that their children do not obtain the love and care they could be getting from another parent. So what are you supposed to do? It is a very difficult situation.

For example, you are a single father with three children. This gets even more complicated if two out of the three are girls and you will have to choose between being a mum or to hunt for the mum to be able to have a better orientation for your daughters.

You would most probably go on an exploration to fill the second. Not a year has passed and you would probably go back to being a single parent.

As mentioned, this is never the answer. The lesson on that example is that you cannot replace the mum or the dad. Of course, this does not mean that it is impossible to find people who are ready to be a huge portion of both yours and your children’s life. What is really meant is that this should not be the reason of the relationship you form.

Instead of feeling that you need to replace your wife or your husband for your kids, why don’t you focus on what you need to provide or give to them? Being a single parent is not a reason for you to feel guilty. You should rather be proud that your sons and daughters have you.

This article is written to help you, single parents, realize that your children love you and if you are going to find another spouse or feel guilty, you are not going anywhere. You have to comprehend that single parents do not have to have a mate to make your kids glad.

If you are a single parent, then you are probably strongly thinking that you should fill both roles. This is empowered by the feeling of guilt for fitting our children in difficult positions. You have to get over this and recover as fast as you can.

You are only human; you are not a super hero. You cannot do everything by yourself and you should never feel that you are second best just because of this.

Your children do not all the time give a helping hand either. Children are not evil, crazy or anything of that kind, they are just being what they are, kids. It is what kids always do, and it turns out that it really works well for them. You need to adapt to working with your kids with your own provisions and not feel lower than appropriate for the reason that you cannot do something.

In total, you gain the respect of your kids if you follow what this article just said. No matter how much and how well you try, you surely cannot be both your children’s mom and dad. So take this as an advice, quit trying.

You do not need to be fit and lean to make your kids love and appreciate you. They love you just the way you are. You should even appreciate yourself first in order to make your children and others appreciate you. You should know that parenting exercise is different.

Hmmm… You are most probably thinking that being a single parent drains your energy and will not let you have time for yourself. Well, tell you what, it does not. It helps you become stronger and it makes you appreciate yourself because of what you do.

What is shared parenting?
Shared Parenting is basically sharing the parenting of the children. Mum and Dad are equally in control of the welfare and decision making for their children. This would be the best option for both parents and the children.

I can remember the moment my children were born, all the little things they did and said when they were little and even today I enjoy them as teenagers. And my life is a better one for being a parent.
If you were to ask my children’s father, he would say the same, maybe even more. His children are his world, too. He was there when they were born, he enjoyed the first steps and first words. He even cuddled them when they were sad, read bedtime stories and paid costs.

And what about the children. They only have one mum and one dad with all their gifts and shortcomings and they unconditionally love us both. Mum and Dad are different and offer different benefits to their children. The saying goes, “2 heads are always better than one, 2 hearts give twice as much love” and when one parent is down you often find the other parent is up. I have never understood how that works but it just does.

(more…)

Parents about to divorce or separate are to be given free counselling sessions in a bid to lessen the impact on their children.

The $6 million scheme, unveiled by Justice Minister Rick Barker yesterday, was aimed at 15,000 parents who would separate or contemplate a split, during the next year, he said.

The voluntary programme includes four hours of counselling, a DVD and written material, and coaches parents on the impact of divorce and how to involve their children.

Latest statistics show that 10,600 marriage dissolution orders were granted by family courts in 2004, 100 more than in 2003.

Auckland family lawyer Brian Gubb, who helped put the programme together, said it should be mandatory for all parents that were separating. “Otherwise the parents that you want on it, won’t (go).”

Victoria University’s family studies director Jan Pryor said the biggest impact on children was conflict between parents during separation.
“If the parents stay together and keep fighting then the parents are worse off.”

Above information is quoted. To see more visit
Dominion Post

To read what menz group thinks of this counselling visit
“$6 Million for Family Court PR scheme”