Anyways, one of the speakers was Judy Bailey who used to present the news on TV. Presently she is with the charity Brainwaves and they are forwarding information coming through from Neuroscience particularly around brain development to schools, parents and groups around NZ.

Honestly, …. mind blowing.

The way our children’s brain develops will determine who they are and who they will become. The information helps us to better understand the relationship between nature (genes) and nurture (experience). Brain development is a ‘dance’ or interplay between genes and experience and both play an important part in the life we are responsible for.

Your child’s brain begins to form within days of conception. However most of his/her brain actually develops after birth – in the first three years of life. It is his/her experiences in these years that will shape and build his/her brain. Interestingly, humans are the only species whose brain adapts to their environment.

It’s not rocket science to know we as parents are important in our child’s development but it’s awesome to understand the scientific side of it.

Here is Brainwave’s booklet on the first 3 years of a child’s life.

Here is Brainwaves site. Go and check it out! There’s much more on offer than just the first 3 years of a child’s life.

Also, I have phoned them to get a speaker to present the information to our group at one of our support meetings. You mustn’t miss this.

Half of NZ’ers support stay-home parents receiving subsidies similar to the 20-hours free childcare.

1,000 people polled were asked “Government subsidises 20 hours of care per week for 3 and 4 year old pre-schoolers in child-care centres. Should the Government give a similar subsidy to a parent who chooses not to send their children to a child-care centre but foregoes income by staying at home to look after the children themselves?” 51% said yes, 39% said no, and 10% either didn’t know or refused to answer.

“The Government’s early-childhood education spend is forecast to be $1.12 billion this year, up from $428m in 2005. But why does the government pay hundreds of millions for professionals to care for our children, but offer no tax breaks or financial recognition for parents who sacrifice careers and income to do it?, says Bob McCoskrie, National Director of Family First NZ.

“It has been argued that childcare is simply a reflection of changing working patterns and family arrangements. However, it could also be argued that work patterns have changed because of the availability and government subsidizing of childcare.”

“The previous Labour government patted itself on the back for allowing 14 weeks paid parental leave – that’s 14 weeks for mum to bond with baby, recover from pregnancy and childbirth, and establish a breastfeeding and daily routine (the Ministry of Health recommends six months breastfeeding), ready to go back to work while baby goes into childcare.”

A Department of Labour study found that 70-75% of mums want at least 12 months paid parental leave. Most mums are going back to work after 6 months, not because they want to, but because of financial necessity. The Ministry of Social Development found that a third of all working couples say they are unhappy they both have to work. And almost 60% of mums with children under the age of three are rejecting work and are choosing to be fulltime mums.

“It’s time the work, commitment, and sacrifice of full-time parents of young children was respected and acknowledged with the appropriate support levels needed,” says Mr McCoskrie.
Family First Media Releases
Stuff.co.nz

Thanks to Family First for the latest released findings.

Kiwi mums feel they’re not measuring up

Sunday Star Times 11/04/2010

Forget the idea of the yummy mummy: 21st-century mothers are feeling overwhelmed, under-supported, unsexy and terrified of making the wrong choices, according to preliminary findings from a study into the psyche of Kiwi mums. And not only that – the study suggests that rates of post-natal depression among mothers is much higher than the one-in-five figure currently accepted. …

Of the mothers who responded to the survey only 12% said they felt satisfied with their appearance. The overwhelming majority were very dissatisfied, Hedley-Ward said. Over two-thirds of the women said the way they felt about their bodies affected their desire to be intimate with their partners (though many of those conceded that their husbands still found them attractive despite their harsh self-assessment). Only 13% of respondents said they spent regular quality time with their husbands or partners. Other bad news: 12% reported feeling satisfied with their health and fitness, and just 5% reported that they looked their best ever when they answered the survey. Hedley-Ward took that to mean most women feel the best point of their life is in the past. READ MORE

LISTEN Family First Spokeswoman Sue Reid speaking on Radio Rhema about the survey

SEE ALSO – 64% want parental pay for stay home mums (Aust)

Sydney Morning Herald March 29, 2010

Almost two-thirds of Australians want stay-at-home mothers to get the same benefits as their working counterparts, a new opinion poll shows. “Why should stay home mums be treated as second-class citizens, missing out on paid parental leave, when they also give up income in those early months,” association spokesman Tim Rebbechi said on Monday. READ MORE

We are looking for people to film with for a television documentary about solo parenting in New Zealand.

We can pay $1500 for the week to mitigate the time spent liaising during preproduction and for the week of a (small) TV crew following you around and we are looking for someone who might be:

– A solo mother with one or more children, one of whom is below the age of three.

– Prepared to show us their daily life over the course of one typical week.

– Raising kids in a positive environment but able to explain about and show the challenges of solo parenting

The documentary will be shot and edited by professional crew using the best professional equipment and will be a fantastic high quality memento of your young family at the time of filming.

Filming can take place anywhere in New Zealand and will be sometime in mid April this year.

If you are embarrassed about being on TV don’t worry as the program will not be aired in New Zealand. It is a Japanese TV series being shot around the world but aired only in Japan.

If you are interesting in being involved please contact us. We will need to ask some questions to build up a profile about you and your family then discus with the director whether your story is the one she is looking for. (The series is being filmed all over the world and we need to avoid double ups and similarities with episodes shot in other countries so please don’t be disappointed if you are not selected as this does not reflect on you but on the balance of stories being filmed for the whole series)

If you wish to know more about the series please don’t hesitate to contact us. Your call will be treated with the strictest confidence and we hope to hear from you soon.

New Zealand Network Ltd.
Phone (09) 424 6388
Email: info@nznetwork.com

The stereotype of a single parent is a Maori sole mother under 20 on Domestic Purposes Benefit with kids to different fathers and lazy to boot.

Sole parents are often identified as an economic and social “problem” in political debate and by the media. But these stereotypes themselves affect social attitudes and undermine the mental and emotional well-being of sole parents and their families.

Demographers suggest that single parent families are an inevitable reflection of an
increasingly complex and diverse society. Greater sexual liberalisation has meant that today less than 50 per cent of the adult population is married and 20 per cent choose to cohabit.

And while marriage rates have declined, divorce rates have increased. Only 3 per cent of sole mothers are under 20 and almost 60 per cent are Pakeha. Statistics New Zealand figures project single parent families to increase from 31 to 38 per cent of all families with dependent children, between 2001 and 2021.

The child poverty rate in New Zealand, at 16.3 per cent, is high by OECD standards, but for children in single parent households this figure increases to 47 per cent.

The DPB provides single mothers and their children with a below subsistence level income. In 2004, 60 per cent of single parent families in New Zealand were considered to have low living standards.

Unsurprising if we consider that half of all single parent families rely on the DPB as their only source of income, and that the level of this income is set below the income poverty threshold.

To read more click READ MORE under this sentence

Therefore for single mothers, neither benefits nor low wage work necessarily provide enough income to cover basic expenses or to raise their families out of poverty. Mothers on the DPB are seen as “problematic”, for their lack of paid work. Paid work is identified as the key element of “good” citizenship and therefore the policy objective.

This argument ignores research that indicates there are barriers to single mothers entering and sustaining paid work, including suitable job availability, low skills and qualifications, limited work experience, health issues and the access and affordability of good childcare.

Single parents are also “time-poor” as they juggle multiple household roles. They are therefore more likely to find part-time work that is low status, poorly paid and lacking employment benefits or job security.

My research was based on interviews with women who were typical single mothers on the DPB (aged between 30 and 50, post separation or divorce). Almost half reported suffering symptoms of poor mental and physical health as a consequence of stress relating to single mothering on the DPB.

They reported feelings of inadequacy, stigma, failure and low self-esteem as a result of the way they are depicted as “bludgers and second-class citizens”. They said that negative social attitudes impacted on the willingness of family, friends and institutions such as Winz to provide material and emotional support.

These single mothers also resisted negative representations. They argued that mothering was the most important job in the world and their children were better adjusted and equipped because of their conscientious and devoted parenting. They also argued that receiving the DPB was the only reasonable way of balancing a single parenting workload with personal well-being.

Combining parenting and paid work was extremely difficult and exhausting.

International research suggests that an increased number of single mothers are declaring their independence of men and coupled relationships and claiming a legitimate space to live and parent alone.

Some scholars argue that policy discussions that overlook the value of independence, control over decision-making and peace of mind for women, particularly those who have been in abusive relationships, risk compromising these important values. Others argue that single mothers are modern society’s “miner’s canary”. They say that “people who are denigrated and marginalised are more sensitive to dangers in the environment that have the potential to hurt us all”. Therefore the health of single parent families is one way to gauge the well-being of families generally and of society.

Single mothers are expected to “do it all”. They are expected to engage in full-time work, to sustain independent households and to raise healthy, well-balanced children. These expectations may be unrealistic.

Single mothers play important roles in raising healthy, balanced children in an increasingly fractured society and provide strong and independent female role models for the 21st century. Policy-makers in this rapidly diversifying social context have an obligation to ensure that the needs and values of single mothers are understood and accurately represented.

About the Arthur

Christine Todd, a post-graduate researcher at the University of Auckland, has studied the way sole mothers on the DPB handle negative representations of their position in society.

New Zealand Herald Thursday August 14, 2008

To read more click READ MORE under this sentence

MP Paua Bennett

Long-term unemployed and solo mothers receiving a benefit were put on warning today by Social Development Minister Paula Bennett that they will have to find work – once the recession is over.

Following a week of controversy after Ms Bennett released the income details of two solo mothers, Natasha Fuller and Jennifer Johnston, who criticised cuts to the Training Incentive Allowance (TIA), she has remained staunch in her position.

Ms Bennett said the women could continue with their tertiary study without the TIA.

“I can certainly say from experience that it’s going to be hard work,” she told TVNZ’s Q+A this morning.

While she supports women who chose to stay at home with their young children, Ms Bennett believes women should be working at least 15 hours once their children are at school.

Ms Bennett said parents on the Dependent Persons Benefit (DPB) should work 15 hours a week once their youngest child is six.

“I mean I’d actually like to see, since we’ve got 20 hours (free early childhood education) there as well, that we have those sorts of training opportunities for women to be (at) while their children are having that 20 hours of early childhood education.

“That we get them skilled up, so that by the time they get to that youngest being six-years-old they can get that sort of part-time work that hopefully fits in with the hours that the kids are there.”

Ms Bennett, who famously put herself through university while a single mother on the DPB, said she was a “better mum” when she was working.

“It suited me. I actually needed the adult stimulation and my brain to be ticking over.”

To read more click READ MORE under this sentence

As for cutting the TIA, Ms Bennett said parents on the benefit could get a student loan for tertiary study like any other potential student.

The TIA was still available for those wanting to study at levels 1,2 and 3. The policy of having mothers work 15 hours a week had been put on hold due to the recession but was likely to be introduced in “about a year”.

There needed to be more jobs first so people could find jobs that suited them, Ms Bennett said.

Another policy placed on hold by the recession was forcing long-term unemployed (those with more than one year on the dole) to find work.

People would take a work test and face their benefit being cut if they did not accept a job.

“That’ll be in place before the next election,” Ms Bennett said.

Economic circumstance meant the Government had “softened” because there were now 34,000 new people on the unemployment benefit, she said.

“Our focus has got a lot broader and the country expects us to be actually concentrating on them and their skills and their jobs as well, and that’s what we’re doing.”

Ms Bennett revealed that Natasha Fuller was receiving $715 a week and Jennifer Johnston $554 a week.

Both solo mothers had complained about the Government’s decision to scrap the training incentive allowance and said without it they would not be able to continue courses which would help them get jobs.

A complaint was laid with Privacy Commissioner Marie Shroff over the release of the information.

NZPA – 3 News, 02 Aug 2009

The topic of managing work, self and family arises from the ever-increasing emphasis on the economy and economic life as the only valued and visible expression of human activity. It is also a gendered dilemma which rests on men’s and women’s relationships to the unpaid work of reproduction and care provision and the mainstream economy.

The split between work and family was once distributed mainly on gendered lines, leaving women financially dependent on men’s earnings, and men separated from the hands-on unpaid work of cleaning, laundry, shopping, and personal care of infants and sick and aged relatives. Women’s increased participation in the paid workforce from the mid-1970s onwards has, to some extent, dismantled the rigid separation of gendered roles.

Women and mothers now expect to work, and fathers are increasingly expressing a desire to spend more time caring for their children. In practice, working hours for many full-time workers have been steadily increasing and men have not been overly enthusiastic about actually doing domestic work, but women’s growing presence in the workforce is emptying the population of unpaid care providers, or stretching their time ever more thinly.

Unpaid care work is economically invisible, unrewarded and unvalued, yet the personal relationships forged in unpaid care work – with our partners, our children, our parents – are the bedrock of our personal and social lives. Without the care and work of another human-being, none of us would make it to adulthood. Every adult is an expression of endless parental hours of feeding, soothing, changing, washing, teaching, helping and protecting, and as old age and illness strike, there is again a need for many hours of care provision.

To read more click READ MORE under this sentence

Instead of presuming that intrafamilial care will always “naturally” exist, policy-makers need to be valuing such care as a human survival resource, recognising that just as we need clean air and clean water, we also need the personal care of other human-beings, particularly in infancy, sickness and old age. Instead of recognising and valuing unpaid care and those who receive and provide it, and ensuring that the circumstances which enable people to provide and receive care are supported, there has been a steady restriction of support to targeted contexts of care, particularly impacting on low-income groups.

The push to downgrade unpaid care work has been expressed in the policy momentum for “welfare reform” which has gradually expanded the range of requirements for workforce activity being imposed on people claiming parenting payments. Despite the caring activity embedded in the parental role and the higher demands of only having one available parent, the Government has signalled plans for increased demands for “mutual obligation” and “workforce requirements” for single parents of school-age children.

Five to twelve-year-old children of parents who have separated face new restrictions on access to parental care. The proposed welfare changes signal expectations that primary school age children with one parent can do with less access to parental care and will instead have to access child care services which may or may not meet their needs, and may or may not be available at the times and places parents and children need it. Further, the “mutual obligation” framework abolishes the capacity of single mothers to self-manage their paid work and family care demands in favour of a bureaucracy-led prescription of required conduct.

A contradiction in the proposed new workforce demands on single mothers is the positive support offered to partnered mothers to stay out of the workforce and care for their children. Family tax benefit part B payments are not income-tested for single income families, but reduce sharply once the family has a second earner. The sum effect is that partnered mothers face high effective marginal tax rates if they enter the paid workforce. Again this contradiction emphasises that while children with two parents are being supported to have a parent providing full-time unpaid care, children with only one available parent face restricted parental care through increased paid workforce requirements.

Apart from the evident discrimination against children of separated parents, the policy approach also fails to account for the reality that the population of single mothers is drawn primarily from the population of married mothers. Encouraging married mothers to stay out of paid work while simultaneously forcing single mothers into paid work means that mothers and children face completely different demands, depending on whether they have a partner. The least consideration appears to be whether children’s interests are served by imposing particular requirements on different groups of mothers.

Maintaining a balance between paid work and family needs is even harder when there is relatively little protection for casual workers, who can be called on at odd hours at short notice, and who have no leave entitlements or job protections if they or their children are sick. Income insecurity and mutual obligation requirements can leave mothers having to choose between their children’s emotional and physical needs and the family’s economic survival. The care needs of children of all ages tend to rise during and after parental separation as the transition into a single parent household is typically one of upheaval for the family. Often there has been a period of deteriorating relationships before separation, while the actual separation often involves a change of residence and a change in household members. In separations involving family violence there is the added chaos and distress of traumatising violence, and the need to relocate away from known neighbourhood and family and school supports.

The “care squeeze” is being felt across the population as Australians work increasingly longer hours, but middle and high income permanent workers have many more opportunities to restructure their working hours, purchase alternative care, exercise leave entitlements and delegate tasks to subordinates. Men in the full-time paid workforce still typically delegate their family care demands to their partners, forcing many mothers to fit their earning work around their unpaid work. Mothers predominantly cluster in low-paid low-skill casual jobs in the services sector where they provide a flexible, on call workforce.

When mothers are partnered the shared demands of earning and family care mean more choices around the division of labour between the couple. Despite the higher demands and restricted resources of single mothers, it is single mothers and their children who experience the most dramatic restrictions on their opportunities to find the balance between paid work and family, let alone time for themselves.

About the Author

Dr Elspeth McInnes is a Lecturer at the University of South Australia, Convenor of the National Council of Single Mothers and their Children and a member of the ACOSS Executive. Dr McInnes’ most recent research has focused on mothers’ transition into lone parent family structures, exploring the impact of violence on mothers and children during separation and their subsequent adaptation and access to community resources and to both market and non-market income.

online opinion

Last updated 13:00 23/07/2009

Nelson man Rob van Nek had a tough time when he suddenly became a single father.

“She left, and I thought, ‘I don’t know if I can do this. Can I work fulltime and raise three boys? Can I find enough time?’. I felt I needed support, and there wasn’t anything out there.

“I thought, ‘I mustn’t be the only one in this situation’.”

He wasn’t. Mr van Nek’s experience reflects the results of a new Families Commission study that finds newly separated fathers can’t find the help they need from community services.

The study, Pathways Through Parental Separation, analysed discussions with 20 separated fathers in Nelson and Christchurch. Nelson-based researchers David Mitchell and Philip Chapman talked with two focus groups. They found there was an “urgent need for male-friendly services”, and for existing services to engage with fathers.

To read more click read more after this sentence.

Mr Chapman, who also works as the Nelson Marlborough District Health Board’s Male Room coordinator, said separation was a shock to the men, who usually hadn’t initiated it.

“Nationally, when you look at the figures, women tend to initiate breakups more than men.”

He believed that most children were brought up under a matriarchal figure, and men who left the family found there was not much of a role for them.

“You’re asked to make your payment every week in terms of finances. One guy told me he sees his children every other Wednesday for two hours.”

The study contradicted the view of many service providers that the services were there for all family members, Mr Chapman said. “That contradiction needs to be urgently addressed.”

Mr Chapman said that for many of the men, the study was the first opportunity to share their experiences with others.

Mr van Nek said the survey results were an echo of his own experiences. He said it was automatically presumed that the mother was the best parent.

“I felt that as the father, I had to prove that I was fit. I noticed in the [Family Court] relationship counselling room that the walls are plastered with support for women, and the only thing that’s on the wall for a man is a poster saying `It’s Not OK’, about domestic violence.

“A guy sitting in that waiting room, while she’s taking numbers of services and picking up pamphlets and stuff he must think, `Well, I’m stuffed’.”

Mr van Nek said he worked in government family services and was the only man in the office. He hadn’t noticed much support for men there either.

“I have an endless range of services and supports that I can offer the mum. We have folders of services and supports. But nothing for the men.”

Relationship Services spokesman Cary Hayward said counselling often focused on helping parents reach an agreement on arrangements for the children, but it also needed to help them deal with the separation. “It’s important that men find a counsellor they are comfortable with. Often, men will find it easier to talk to a male counsellor.”

The Families Commission has posted a poll on its website thecouch.org.nz to find out more about people’s experiences, understanding and views on separated parenting.

MEN’S GROUP SNUBBED

A men’s lobby group yesterday staged a protest outside the Families Commission in Wellington after the commission cancelled a scheduled meeting with its representatives.

Commission chief executive Paul Curry snubbed the Fathers Coalition on his board’s advice after becoming concerned that its supporters were planning to hand out inflammatory leaflets to boys outside schools.

Mr Curry said the leaflet was anti-family and an attack on the wellbeing of young men in their formative years, with claims about societal problems stemming from homes without fathers.

“The leaflet itself we weren’t worried about it was the tactic of handing it to boys outside schools.” – NZPA
http://www.stuff.co.nz/nelson-mail/news/2666950/No-help-for-solo-dads-study-finds

The VoteNO.org.nz website has information you need regarding the ‘NO’ side including
frequently asked questions,
quotes of interest,
summary of polls,
summary of media releases on this issue,
how to enrol,
background of the Referendum
even a cartoons page!

But there are also
FREE downloadable brochures and posters
(and banner adverts and sidebar adverts for your blogs and website). The brochures are even in other translations including Maori, Tongan, Samoan, Fijian, Chinese, and Hindi! Download them – photocopy – and distribute to family and friends!

Family First can also make the videos available to show to your group including Simon Barnett, Referendum proposer Sheryl Savill and Maori Child Advocate Bev Adair – simply email us admin@familyfirst.org.nz for the files.

There’s also a blog, they’re on Twitter, and a group of supporters have started a Facebook group

……………

The yesvote.org.nz website has information you need regarding the ‘YES’ side including
frequently asked questions,
their side of the referendum,
resources
media releases on this issue,
public awareness and attitude to the law
background of the Referendum
history of the child discipline law

But there are also
videos
free stuff, posters and stickers
banner ads
media kit

There’s also other websites, they’re on Twitter, and have a group of supporters.

So GET THE WORD OUT on what this Referendum is all about.

From Julie.

I seriously encourage you to have your say on this important issue. After all, single parents make up the most of CYFS clients.

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

6-12 School-Age

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

13-18 Teens

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

NEWS

O-1 Infants

Study: TV can impair speech development of young children

A study released Monday adds to the debate over whether television impairs children’s language development.It found that parents and children virtually stop talking to each other when the TV is on, even if they’re in the same room.

2-5 Toddlers/Preschool

Study: TV can impair speech development of young children

A study released Monday adds to the debate over whether television impairs children’s language development.It found that parents and children virtually stop talking to each other when the TV is on, even if they’re in the same room.

13-18 Teens

Alcohol risks greater in teen-onset drinkers

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Delaying the start of alcohol drinking might curb subsequent rates of alcohol-related injuries

Depressed teens worry about family reaction: study

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Some teenagers with depression may not want treatment because they worry about the stigma attached to the disorder, a new study suggests.

Enjoy!