NZ Single Parents Trust

Question: Can I Find Hope When I Feel Like a “Lonely Single Parent?”

I hate to sound like a “lonely single parent,” but it’s such a challenge to meet new people when I barely have time for myself as it is. What can I do? Should I resign myself to feeling lonely until my kids are older?

Answer: It’s not uncommon to feel lonely as a single parent. After all, so much of your time and energy are emptied out in caring for your children and providing for your kids’ needs, that it’s easy for your responsibilities to overshadow a potential social life. However, with some effort, you can overcome feeling like a “lonely single parent” and create the kind of social life you long for. Begin by asking yourself the following questions and choosing one or two of the suggested activities below:

1.  What would I really like my social life to look like?

Spend some time envisioning what it would be like to have a fulfilling, active social life. Who would you be spending your time with? How would your children fit into this scenario? Sometimes just getting clear about your ultimate goals can help you find ways to make those dreams a reality.

2. What is standing in my way?

What’s the biggest obstacle right now to your having a lively, engaging social life? Is it time? Is it a lack of opportunity? Could it also be connected to your feelings about yourself? Getting clear about the obstacles you face, or even the walls you may inadvertently put up, can help you overcome them.

3. Does the effort I’m making to meet new people match my desire for an active, enjoyable social life?

If it doesn’t, step up the effort you’re making. In this way, you can work to overcome feeling like a “lonely single parent” by changing the effort you’re making. Try:

To read more click on read more underneath this sentence.

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Julie Separation, Support

I recently received an e-mail from a single parent asking if I know of any Christian Single Parent’s groups. I think this is a good question and I’d like to have a list of churches who have support groups.

There was one I found in Christchurch 3 years ago and I had heard from a group of Christian women who had a wonderful opening day in Auckland yet I can’t remember their website. Another church had contacted us over a year ago through Waitakere City council also.

I will have to use my brain to try and find them but if by chance anyone out there knows of a Christian group or two, please share and leave a comment.

IN the meantime, here’s a helpful  article I found on Kiwifamilies

Somebody Help Me!

One winter night a few years ago, I found myself lying on the bathroom floor, pausing between bouts of vomiting and diarrheoa to listen out for my toddler who had whooping cough. You could say it was not one of my better moments.

But in the midst of it all, I suddenly found myself worrying about the lawn. It was alarmingly long, I had no lawn mower and couldn’t afford to buy one. Even if I could, my daughter was terrified of the noise so what would I do with her while I did the job?

The practical needs of a solo parent can be overwhelming. On top of the jobs common to all mothers, single mums, for example, have total responsibility for home, garden and car maintenance. Most, even on the benefit, have to work at least part-time; and making all the decisions all of the time is a heavy burden.
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Julie Support

If you feel anxious about not being in a relationship, it may be time to adopt a whole new attitude toward single parent dating. Consider how these small changes could alter your perspective and help you enjoy the full, rich life you deserve.

1. Focus on expanding your social circle instead of “finding a mate.”

Change your definition of what it means to have an active social life. When you focus on finding “the one,” you’re bound to put a lot of pressure on yourself. This can have two negative effects: First, it can cause you to make poor decisions; and, second, it can lead to unnecessary disappointment with an otherwise fulfilling life.

When you place your attention on expanding your social circle, though, you free yourself from that pressure. This enables you to focus on friendships and being with people who lift you up and bring joy to your life.

2. Make your social life part of your self-care plan.

To say you are “extremely busy” working and raising your children is an understatement. In fact, you may even feel like you just don’t have time to date. If that’s the case, I’d encourage you to think of socialising as part of taking care of yourself. You deserve to get out now and then. Spending some time away from your home and work responsibilities can be a refreshing part of honouring who you are and getting to know yourself again. Rather than feeling guilty about social engagements, view them as a part of your personal self-care plan.

To read more click on read more underneath this sentence.
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Julie Separation, Support

The Parenting Place is a facility designed and run by Parents Inc. to provide support and solutions for all parents. With an Allpress cafe to relax in, workshops to encourage and inspire and a bookshop filled with specialist parenting books, parenting help has never been so accessible. We open 8.30am Monday to Friday and close 5.00pm, our cafe closes at 3.30pm.

New workshops and regular favourites

Kick starting boys learning – issues in their education with Michael Irwin – Wed 12 August, 7.30pm-9.00pm
Author of Educating Boys – Michael Irwin has worked in education for over 35 years and is currently a senior lecturer in Education at Massey University in Auckland.

* Grief – how to support a grieving child with Raewyn Miller
* Building self esteem in your children with Ian Grant
* Kick starting boys learning – issues in their education with Michael Irwin
* Feelings and tantrums – dealing with our angry and upset children with Diane Levy
* Eight steps to raising financially savvy kids with Sylvia Bowden
* How to have fun and not stuff up your kids with Ian Grant
* Father and son cooking demonstration with Michelle Pattison
* Bullying – your child doesn’t have to be a victim with John Cowan

Plus many more… All workshops are $10 unless otherwise stated.
Download our What’s On Term 3 timetable now!

For more information, workshop descriptions and to book a place go to www.theparentingplace.com or phone 524 1387

Parents Inc. Family Coaching Service

Family Coaching is designed for parents who need simple solutions to tricky challenges. It can help you get back on track with new ideas and strategies that work!

Visit the advice section on www.theparentingplace.com to book an appointment or call us on 09 524 0025.

Julie Support

Family is a Team Sport

Siblings will tend to slip into competitive ways of thinking and behaving, giving many parents the full-time job of mediator. Recover that team feeling with activities that get the whole family working together, rather than pitted against each other.

When they disagree, help them to find a win-win solution, but don’t decide it for them. Make them practice their compromise and co-operation skills with carefully worded questions, for eg. “I get that you both want to crack the egg, but there’s only one egg in this recipe. What are some solutions that could keep you both happy?”.

Click here for more parenting hot tips

What’s on at The Parenting Place

Sibling Rivalry by John Cowan, Tues 4 August, 7.30pm-9.00pm
As a rule siblings become good friends once they reach adulthood but on the way the competition can be severe. Not all sibling rivalry is negative. This workshop will show what you can do about the constant ‘it’s not fair’ and help children grow in co-operation and appreciation of each other.

Grief – how to support a grieving child by Raewyn Miller, Fri 7 August, 1.00pm–2.30pm
Grief is what we feel when we lose touch with someone or something important to us. Grief is healthy and normal. It happens to us all sometime in our lives. This workshop is to help parents help their children to deal with loss and grief.

Plus many more…

All workshops only $10 unless otherwise stated.

Julie Support

Listening Difficulties
Does your child appear inattentive at pre-school? Is your child struggling at school? The problem may be due to difficulty listening. Our Learning Difficulties specialist, Rosemary Murphy, outlines the signs and symptoms, and explores the solution options.

Managing Your Money
Are you running up big medical bills this winter with sick children and sick partner? Check out some suggestions to help you control your medical costs.

Shift Workers
Are you or your partner/spouse working shifts? Our dietitian and nutritionist, Fiona Boyle, explores the dietary challenges and strategies for Shift Workers.

Home Based Care
Have you investigated all your Early Childhood Education (ECE) options? Check out our Early Childhood section which includes overview articles on Kindergarten, Home Based Care, PAFT, Playcentre, and many other ECE organisations.

Invalid Food
Do you have a young invalid recuperating at home? Find out about the needs of your sick child, including risk of dehydration and their fluid and food options, in “Invalid Food”.

Joke of the Week
Have a wee chuckle over “Better the Devil You Know” or snigger at the surprise ending in the “Hillbillies” poem.

Julie Support

2-5 Toddlers/Preschool

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

6-12 School-Age

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

13-18 Teens

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

NEWS

O-1 Infants

Study: TV can impair speech development of young children

A study released Monday adds to the debate over whether television impairs children’s language development.It found that parents and children virtually stop talking to each other when the TV is on, even if they’re in the same room.

2-5 Toddlers/Preschool

Study: TV can impair speech development of young children

A study released Monday adds to the debate over whether television impairs children’s language development.It found that parents and children virtually stop talking to each other when the TV is on, even if they’re in the same room.

13-18 Teens

Alcohol risks greater in teen-onset drinkers

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Delaying the start of alcohol drinking might curb subsequent rates of alcohol-related injuries

Depressed teens worry about family reaction: study

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Some teenagers with depression may not want treatment because they worry about the stigma attached to the disorder, a new study suggests.

Enjoy!

Julie Children, Research, Support

Practical workshops for parents of babies through to teenagers…

The Parenting Place, located at 300 Great South Road, Greenlane, is a facility designed and run by Parents Inc. to provide support and solutions to all parents. It includes a comprehensive range of parenting resources and books, a child-friendly café, parenting and life skill workshops on a wide range of topics, online advice and a family coaching service.
Workshops starting Monday 4 May include:

* Getting our children to do as they’re told – Diane Levy
* Music for 0-12 months – Alison Broom, Julie Moore
* Firm, fair & friendly discipline – John Cowan
* Dads and sons – Ian Grant
* Raising your introverted child – Sue Blair
* Picky eaters – Sheena Hendon
* Sibling rivalry – Tony & Heidi Versey
* Teaching children to read & write can be easy – Anne Marsh
* Parenting from a united front for separated couples – Bruce & Amanda Pilbrow

Don’t miss our lifestyle workshops

* Home management Part 1 & 2 – Val O’Donovan
* Money tips for tough times – Greg Knowles & Jamie Hansen
* Keeping ahead while keeping your head – Naomi Cowan
* Dealing with life’s difficult changes – Carole Chamberlin

Plus many more…
Download our What’s On for Term 2 timetable now!

For more information, workshop descriptions and to book a place go to www.theparentingplace.com or phone 524 1387. All workshops are $10 unless otherwise stated.

Julie Support discipline, money tips, Parenting, seperation, workshops

DIY Fathers online

There is a site on the Internet called DIY Fathers. It promotes fathering and offers parenting tips for fathers as well as discussion and support.

One of the writers Stef has made up lyrics on one of the posts from the 80’s song, Sisters are doing it for themselves.

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Julie Support

Many single parents are not aware of all that is available to them for support in New Zealand. Birthright was established in 1955. It’s a national organisation, with sixteen (16) member societies throughout New Zealand, which work to support, strengthen and advocate for one-parent families.

What do they do?
Each Member society provides a range of services appropriate to their locality. These may include:

Counselling and social work
Recycled clothing and household goods
Workshops for parents on relevant subjects e.g. parenting skills, confidence building, goal setting, life skills and home management programmes
Budgeting assistance
Referrals to recognized agencies for specific problems e.g. grief, child abuse, behaviour problems
Ongoing support groups for parents
Self-esteem programmes for children
Some financial support when available with school requirements and holiday camps
Tertiary Scholarships for children and retraining grants for single parents

Auckland Single Parents Trust offers similar to birthright although we do not have the funding available to us yet and we are not qualified counsellors. We are a network of single parents although we can direct you to other organisations who offer counselling, anger management programmes for both men and women and budgeting assistance. Also, it is not unusual to share recycled clothing or household items amongst friends.

Birthright has not been going in Auckland for some time although it seems it may be starting up again. Many single parents have used their services over the years and I think having a place to go for financial assistance and for clothing and household items is of value especially when you are setting yourself up all over again. The other services they provide can also be very helpful. An advocate for the single parent in situations with CYFS, IRD, WINZ and many other areas of your life is a bonus to have on your side.

I have listed the Birthright contacts under Links for those outside the Auckland area and look forward to Birthright starting up again in the Auckland area.

Julie Support