NZ Single Parents Trust

Parenting expert Diane Levy provides practical advice on how to handle toddler tantrums.

I used to think most tantrums could be fixed by walking away. That was called planned ignoring. The alternative was to say “stop that yelling,” and, if the child persisted, to punish him/her by putting him/her in Time Out until he/she had calmed down.
Once I had grasped the idea of using emotional distance (see the ‘Time Out’ article) rather than praise or punishment, I was still left in a quandary about tantrums. Was the child in need of my support or was he/she simply being unreasonable?

Nowadays I understand that not all tantrums are created equal. We can be more effective in helping our children deal with their feelings which threaten to overwhelm them, if we can recognize what type of tantrum they are having.
And the nominations are…..
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Julie Children

2-5 Toddlers/Preschool

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

6-12 School-Age

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

13-18 Teens

The Benefit of Nature and the Outdoors to Children and Families
When your family is very busy, spending time outside can seem like a luxury. However, time in green areas is important to the overall health and well-being of children as well as adults.

NEWS

O-1 Infants

Study: TV can impair speech development of young children

A study released Monday adds to the debate over whether television impairs children’s language development.It found that parents and children virtually stop talking to each other when the TV is on, even if they’re in the same room.

2-5 Toddlers/Preschool

Study: TV can impair speech development of young children

A study released Monday adds to the debate over whether television impairs children’s language development.It found that parents and children virtually stop talking to each other when the TV is on, even if they’re in the same room.

13-18 Teens

Alcohol risks greater in teen-onset drinkers

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Delaying the start of alcohol drinking might curb subsequent rates of alcohol-related injuries

Depressed teens worry about family reaction: study

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – Some teenagers with depression may not want treatment because they worry about the stigma attached to the disorder, a new study suggests.

Enjoy!

Julie Children, Research, Support

Diane Levy

Renowned family therapist and parenting author, Diane Levy, explores the Nature vs Nurture debate regarding children’s personalities and the various models and categories developed over the years to explain the four basic personality types.

First Aid Kits

What safety kit do you have for an emergency at home, in the car, in the boat or at the bach? Check out the range of First Aid kits at Caring Concepts.

School Holidays

The next School Holidays are looming. Have you planned any outings for the kids? Read our guidelines on holiday planning. Check out our list of over 12 different Holiday Outings Providers.

Surviving the Recession

What strategies do you have in place to survive the recession? Consider some of the tips and tidbits in our article on Surviving the Recession.

Queen’s Birthday Weekend

Remember that Monday 1 June is a holiday … Queen’s Birthday Holiday. Yay!!!Wishing you and your family a wonderful and safe long weekend.

Joke of the Week

You don’t need to enjoy fishing to love this rip-snorter about Fishing – NZ Style !

kiwifamilies.co.nz

Julie Children, News

When is the best time to educate your kids on sex? Some parents say “age appropriate NOW”, and some say “leave it to the schools”, with many other parents somewhere in between. This is a delicate subject, involving lots of emotion, cultural norms, religious beliefs, and subjectivity, but we suggest parents be fully informed when considering and deciding for their own family.

Sex Education
What did your own sex education consist of? Was it the ideal way to learn about sex? What did you (or will you) do differently for your kids? To guide your thinking on this sensitive subject, check out our four Sex Education articles – “An Introduction” ; “The Practicalities” ; “STIs” ; and “Emotions“.

Special Offer – Counsellor & Parenting Coach

Self-Development therapist and Counsellor for couples, parents and children, Caroline Beazley, has a Mother’s Day Special Offer for Mums. Check out her wonderful offer.

After School Care

Phew … the kids are back to school! But what about after school care? Check out the latest on SKIDS, a fast expanding provider of Before school, After school, and Holiday Programme care, now in 45 locations throughout NZ.

Eating Tips for New Mums

Our resident Dietitian and Nutritionist, Fiona Boyle, provides some excellent tips on eating for new Mums.

Simply Nappies

Confused by your nappy choices? Simply Nappies is the ultimate trial pack. Four nappies from three leading nappy companies. Only $79.95, Normally RRP$125! Visit www.simplynappies.com

FREE Naturopathic Consultation

Skin problems? Stressed? Sleeping poorly? Tired? Don’t be shy, contact our resident Naturopath and Medical Herbalist, Tracy Harris, for a FREE naturopathic online consultation.

Learning Difficulties

Is your child struggling at school or disinterested in learning at home? Have a read of learning difficulties specialist, Rosemary Murphy’s general articles, plus articles specifically on Dyslexia and on Dyspraxia.

Julie Children, Health after school care, dyslexia, dyspraxia, learning difficulties, nappies, sex education

If we want our kids to be ‘team players’ who are generous with others, remember that it’s never too early to get kids involved in their community. This could be your neighbourhood, or even your kindy or school, or a local helping organisation like Plunket or a church.

Get them to help you make a meal for a friend in need and deliver it to their door, or ask them for ideas on how to make your street look nicer. You probably support different charities but may not have involved your children in the process – talk to them about what you’re doing and why. Encourage their input. Sow the seeds of a belief in the importance of helping others and being involved if we want things to be better.

Click here for more parenting hot tips

What’s on at The Parenting Place
Sam the Signing Teddy Bear visits The Parenting Place Monday – Thursday next week!

Winding and settling babies by Sharlene Poole, Tuesday 5 May 9.30am-11.00am
Discover ways to successfully wind and settle your baby.

Preparing your 4 year old for school by Nicky Cleary, Friday 8 May 9.30am-11.00am
What does it take to ensure your child is prepared socially and mentally for starting school? This workshop will give you some of the competencies your child will need; how to develop them and how best to prepare them emotionally for this five year old milestone.

Plus many more…

Julie Children

Every day children are torn as their parents split up. New initiatives to involve them in relationship counselling could begin to ease that pain.

Jill Goldson, an Auckland Family Court counsellor who was involving children in separation counselling for a research project funded by the NZ Families Commission, has spoken out about the problems children are facing through separation. Goldson’s research involved 26 children and 34 adults. It gave families opportunities to not just listen to each other but ‘hear’ each other and work toward their own solutions.

“Parents in conflict are in crisis; it’s difficult in that state to attend fully to the children they both love,” Goldson says. “And their children fear creating more distress, so they hold on to their worries and the trouble compounds. If children’s views are sought, they need to see them used, otherwise they can end up feeling betrayed. Mostly children want to be heard within their families.”

Lucy’s dilemma threatened her life.
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Julie Children, Research, Separation

Today I am going to sound like a “Grumpy Grandma.” I am going to tell you all about phrases that annoy me because they are supposed to be common wisdom for parents but, in fact, disempower them. They are in no particular order of dislike. –Super Granny Column, written by: Diane Levy

Attention-seeking behaviour

This phrase seems to cover and explain a whole raft of behaviours: hitting, arguing, showing off, whining, demanding, fighting, rowdiness … in fact, most behaviours that come under the general heading of “naughty” (if you can cope with the term) or “undesirable” (if “naughty” is too un-PC for you.)

Most of those behaviours have nothing to do with the need for someone to take notice and are behaviours that need to be stopped. By dismissing them as “attention-seeking behaviour” we place a character fault on the child – presumably for needing attention – and absolve ourselves from responsibility for dealing with the behaviour.

In terms of personality, one of the needs of the Sanguine, outgoing, charming child is the need for attention. These children (and adults) simply need people to take notice of them and to like what they do. It is not a fault to be corrected. It is an aspect of their personality.

Our strong willed, hot-tempered, goal-focused Choleric children also need us to notice what they are doing and to admire their achievements. It may look like attention-seeking, but it is an imperative of their personality,

Attention-seeking behaviour is not some dreadful affliction that we need to get rid of. Some of the behaviours (hitting, arguing, showing off, whining, demanding, fighting, rowdiness) we ascribe to “attention seeking” are probably behaviours we should be paying attention to and getting rid of.

The “look at me, be with me, play with me” child needs us to say “yes” when we can and “no” when we can’t – and to accept that “no” without a catastrophic meltdown. Teaching them to take “no” for an answer is our job.

Sibling Rivalry
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Julie Children

I received an e-mail from a site owner who has a lot of information on baby names. How exiting, I thought.

My site has over 20,000 searchable baby names and their meanings, with popularity charts based on US statistics, and a nifty little name “filter” that makes choosing a baby name a whole lot easier.

You can also listen to the pronunciation of each name, as we have
painstakingly uploaded their MP3 recordings.

I remember looking at books with babies names when I was pregnant and after the birth I discovered I had chosen one of the most popular names of the year for both my children.

At the time I was looking for something unusual. I remember my brother speaking up to some of them saying, “You can’t call my nephew that!”

Oh, the fun we had with family and friends with this really important decision.

Along with the name we thought it was important to know the meaning and we had to agree to both. Then it was the nicknames. What would they be and did we agree with them.

It was such fun.

So go along and check this site out. Especially if you are looking for a name.
http://www.quickbabynames.com/

Thanks Samatha

Julie Children

Forget sexual assaults, eating disorders or child abuse – bullying and friendship woes are the biggest worries for youngsters, a helpline says. A free counselling phone line for children and young people received more than 500,000 calls last year, though just 145,000 were able to be answered. The What’s Up helpline gave anonymous advice for personal problems ranging from sexual abuse and homelessness, to feelings of worthlessness and confusion about sexual orientation. Relationship concerns and bullying were the main problems reported by callers, who were 50 times more worried about friendships than child abuse.

Loneliness has increased, more young people want to quit smoking and more than 100 callers had suicidal thoughts or fears a third of whom expressed “immediate intent”. Others experienced regular physical abuse or felt “at risk of injury or death”. On average, the confidential helpline received more than 1400 calls a day last year. It has been running since 2001. A 2008 summary, made public yesterday, shows relationship problems with family, friends or partners accounted for half the year’s calls. Twelve and 13-year-olds were the helpline’s biggest users. Peer relationship problems were callers’ single biggest concern. Bullying was second, though it was the leading problem for boys and children aged nine to 11. Nearly 100 children were judged at risk of imminent harm by counsellors last year. About half were referred to emergency agencies such as police or Child Youth and Family.
The Dominion Post 21 January 2009
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4824875a11.html

Julie Children

The Dominion Post has an article about Gardasil being given to boys as well as girls.

The cervical cancer vaccine should be given to boys as well as girls, to protect them and their future partners from genital warts and cancer, public health experts say. The main introduction of the $177 million vaccination programme, which aims to immunise 300,000 Kiwi schoolgirls over five years, begins this week.

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The push for vaccination is very big in New Zealand – via the media, in schools, on billboards, in leaflets being handed out to parents, at hospitals and doctor surgeries.

It was promoted so quickly with very little research being given to the public because of elections coming up last year. This has concerned the Women’s Health Action Trust.
Read more…

Julie Children, Health, News