NZ Single Parents Trust

Question: Can I Find Hope When I Feel Like a “Lonely Single Parent?”

I hate to sound like a “lonely single parent,” but it’s such a challenge to meet new people when I barely have time for myself as it is. What can I do? Should I resign myself to feeling lonely until my kids are older?

Answer: It’s not uncommon to feel lonely as a single parent. After all, so much of your time and energy are emptied out in caring for your children and providing for your kids’ needs, that it’s easy for your responsibilities to overshadow a potential social life. However, with some effort, you can overcome feeling like a “lonely single parent” and create the kind of social life you long for. Begin by asking yourself the following questions and choosing one or two of the suggested activities below:

1.  What would I really like my social life to look like?

Spend some time envisioning what it would be like to have a fulfilling, active social life. Who would you be spending your time with? How would your children fit into this scenario? Sometimes just getting clear about your ultimate goals can help you find ways to make those dreams a reality.

2. What is standing in my way?

What’s the biggest obstacle right now to your having a lively, engaging social life? Is it time? Is it a lack of opportunity? Could it also be connected to your feelings about yourself? Getting clear about the obstacles you face, or even the walls you may inadvertently put up, can help you overcome them.

3. Does the effort I’m making to meet new people match my desire for an active, enjoyable social life?

If it doesn’t, step up the effort you’re making. In this way, you can work to overcome feeling like a “lonely single parent” by changing the effort you’re making. Try:

To read more click on read more underneath this sentence.

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I recently received an e-mail from a single parent asking if I know of any Christian Single Parent’s groups. I think this is a good question and I’d like to have a list of churches who have support groups.

There was one I found in Christchurch 3 years ago and I had heard from a group of Christian women who had a wonderful opening day in Auckland yet I can’t remember their website. Another church had contacted us over a year ago through Waitakere City council also.

I will have to use my brain to try and find them but if by chance anyone out there knows of a Christian group or two, please share and leave a comment.

IN the meantime, here’s a helpful  article I found on Kiwifamilies

Somebody Help Me!

One winter night a few years ago, I found myself lying on the bathroom floor, pausing between bouts of vomiting and diarrheoa to listen out for my toddler who had whooping cough. You could say it was not one of my better moments.

But in the midst of it all, I suddenly found myself worrying about the lawn. It was alarmingly long, I had no lawn mower and couldn’t afford to buy one. Even if I could, my daughter was terrified of the noise so what would I do with her while I did the job?

The practical needs of a solo parent can be overwhelming. On top of the jobs common to all mothers, single mums, for example, have total responsibility for home, garden and car maintenance. Most, even on the benefit, have to work at least part-time; and making all the decisions all of the time is a heavy burden.
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Hi all, …. it’s that time again already. Wow! Where does the time go?

This year we have a few events for November/December.  Please let us know what you are interested in.

Click here to view “Events at the Parenting Place”

Two events you won’t want to miss. Get in quick and purchase your tickets now.
Christmas Event Fundraiser – an evening hosted by Amanda Pilbrow, Thurs 12 Nov 7.00pm-10.00pm

Two dynamic speakers on two helpful topics

1. How to survive the Christmas season without killing your family
- Allison Mooney

Allison Mooney is one of New Zealand’s most sort after professional speakers.

2. Decorating ideas – Anya Brighouse

Anya Brighouse is interior designer and stylist for Parenting Magazine.

BOOK NOW – tickets only $25

Ticket price includes drinks and light supper. ($10 from every ticket sale will go to The Salvation Army Bethany Centre.)

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Julie activities for children + families

ASG’s “Mum, Dad, I’m Bored” e-guide lists 100 great free or cheap activity ideas to entertain children during the holidays. ASG is New Zealand’s largest independent parent co-operative specialising in education benefit programmes that assist parents and grandparents in planning for their children’s and grandchildren’s education.

ASG’s General Manager of Development, Ms Michelle Hunder, says many parents find the usual holiday outings a little expensive, particularly now so many families are trimming their household budgets. “That’s why we have compiled this e-guide for parents, grandparents or anybody who is keeping children entertained during the school holidays,” she said. “Ideally, the holidays are a great time to just be together and enjoy activities that won’t break the budget. Of course it’s fun to go to the movies or have a day out at an aquatic centre or a stage show – but who can afford to do that every day?”

“Parents can easily pay around $35 to $55 a day for each child to attend school holiday programmes,” Ms Hunder says. “With a bit of planning, they’re often the sorts of things children can enjoy just as much doing at home.”

The e-guide is divided into ideas for at home, in the park or yard, around the neighbourhood and in the car. Some of the activities will remind parents of the games they used to play as children, while others will be completely new. Some suggestions will involve using a computer or being in the kitchen, while others simply require imagination.

Ideas in the e-guide include:

* Perform a play and let the children choose their roles and dress up
* Make a special pizza and let the kids choose all the toppings.
* Host a paper plane building and flying contest.

Download the “Mum, Dad, I’m bored” e-guide and visit ASG’s website www.asg.co.nz for more information.

Julie Fun things to do, activities for children + families

If you feel anxious about not being in a relationship, it may be time to adopt a whole new attitude toward single parent dating. Consider how these small changes could alter your perspective and help you enjoy the full, rich life you deserve.

1. Focus on expanding your social circle instead of “finding a mate.”

Change your definition of what it means to have an active social life. When you focus on finding “the one,” you’re bound to put a lot of pressure on yourself. This can have two negative effects: First, it can cause you to make poor decisions; and, second, it can lead to unnecessary disappointment with an otherwise fulfilling life.

When you place your attention on expanding your social circle, though, you free yourself from that pressure. This enables you to focus on friendships and being with people who lift you up and bring joy to your life.

2. Make your social life part of your self-care plan.

To say you are “extremely busy” working and raising your children is an understatement. In fact, you may even feel like you just don’t have time to date. If that’s the case, I’d encourage you to think of socialising as part of taking care of yourself. You deserve to get out now and then. Spending some time away from your home and work responsibilities can be a refreshing part of honouring who you are and getting to know yourself again. Rather than feeling guilty about social engagements, view them as a part of your personal self-care plan.

To read more click on read more underneath this sentence.
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The Parenting Place is a facility designed and run by Parents Inc. to provide support and solutions for all parents. With an Allpress cafe to relax in, workshops to encourage and inspire and a bookshop filled with specialist parenting books, parenting help has never been so accessible. We open 8.30am Monday to Friday and close 5.00pm, our cafe closes at 3.30pm.

New workshops and regular favourites

Kick starting boys learning – issues in their education with Michael Irwin – Wed 12 August, 7.30pm-9.00pm
Author of Educating Boys – Michael Irwin has worked in education for over 35 years and is currently a senior lecturer in Education at Massey University in Auckland.

* Grief – how to support a grieving child with Raewyn Miller
* Building self esteem in your children with Ian Grant
* Kick starting boys learning – issues in their education with Michael Irwin
* Feelings and tantrums – dealing with our angry and upset children with Diane Levy
* Eight steps to raising financially savvy kids with Sylvia Bowden
* How to have fun and not stuff up your kids with Ian Grant
* Father and son cooking demonstration with Michelle Pattison
* Bullying – your child doesn’t have to be a victim with John Cowan

Plus many more… All workshops are $10 unless otherwise stated.
Download our What’s On Term 3 timetable now!

For more information, workshop descriptions and to book a place go to www.theparentingplace.com or phone 524 1387

Parents Inc. Family Coaching Service

Family Coaching is designed for parents who need simple solutions to tricky challenges. It can help you get back on track with new ideas and strategies that work!

Visit the advice section on www.theparentingplace.com to book an appointment or call us on 09 524 0025.

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Family is a Team Sport

Siblings will tend to slip into competitive ways of thinking and behaving, giving many parents the full-time job of mediator. Recover that team feeling with activities that get the whole family working together, rather than pitted against each other.

When they disagree, help them to find a win-win solution, but don’t decide it for them. Make them practice their compromise and co-operation skills with carefully worded questions, for eg. “I get that you both want to crack the egg, but there’s only one egg in this recipe. What are some solutions that could keep you both happy?”.

Click here for more parenting hot tips

What’s on at The Parenting Place

Sibling Rivalry by John Cowan, Tues 4 August, 7.30pm-9.00pm
As a rule siblings become good friends once they reach adulthood but on the way the competition can be severe. Not all sibling rivalry is negative. This workshop will show what you can do about the constant ‘it’s not fair’ and help children grow in co-operation and appreciation of each other.

Grief – how to support a grieving child by Raewyn Miller, Fri 7 August, 1.00pm–2.30pm
Grief is what we feel when we lose touch with someone or something important to us. Grief is healthy and normal. It happens to us all sometime in our lives. This workshop is to help parents help their children to deal with loss and grief.

Plus many more…

All workshops only $10 unless otherwise stated.

Julie Support

Parenting expert Diane Levy provides practical advice on how to handle toddler tantrums.

I used to think most tantrums could be fixed by walking away. That was called planned ignoring. The alternative was to say “stop that yelling,” and, if the child persisted, to punish him/her by putting him/her in Time Out until he/she had calmed down.
Once I had grasped the idea of using emotional distance (see the ‘Time Out’ article) rather than praise or punishment, I was still left in a quandary about tantrums. Was the child in need of my support or was he/she simply being unreasonable?

Nowadays I understand that not all tantrums are created equal. We can be more effective in helping our children deal with their feelings which threaten to overwhelm them, if we can recognize what type of tantrum they are having.
And the nominations are…..
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Julie Children

Listening Difficulties
Does your child appear inattentive at pre-school? Is your child struggling at school? The problem may be due to difficulty listening. Our Learning Difficulties specialist, Rosemary Murphy, outlines the signs and symptoms, and explores the solution options.

Managing Your Money
Are you running up big medical bills this winter with sick children and sick partner? Check out some suggestions to help you control your medical costs.

Shift Workers
Are you or your partner/spouse working shifts? Our dietitian and nutritionist, Fiona Boyle, explores the dietary challenges and strategies for Shift Workers.

Home Based Care
Have you investigated all your Early Childhood Education (ECE) options? Check out our Early Childhood section which includes overview articles on Kindergarten, Home Based Care, PAFT, Playcentre, and many other ECE organisations.

Invalid Food
Do you have a young invalid recuperating at home? Find out about the needs of your sick child, including risk of dehydration and their fluid and food options, in “Invalid Food”.

Joke of the Week
Have a wee chuckle over “Better the Devil You Know” or snigger at the surprise ending in the “Hillbillies” poem.

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Have you tried some of these?

Fabric Painting

Clay Creations

Ceramic Painting

Mosaic pebbles

Mosaic tiles

Jewellery Making

Paper Mache

Do you have some other ideas to share for children activities during the holidays?

Julie Fun things to do, activities for children + families